The Rose Garden

The Journey of a Thousand Miles ...

2012-01-10T21:06:00.000-06:00

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." - Lao Tzu

One step. That's all it takes to start heading in the direction of your dreams. As you take that first step and look down the pathway, the end result seems so far, far away. You may start fealing fear, you may start rethinking this entire decision, but if you close your eyes, take a deep breath and take another step ... before you know it, you're halfway through your "journey of a thousand miles."

That fear and trepidation that you initially felt will be far behind you and you'll be wondering what you were even afraid of in the first place. You may even laugh at yourself for being so scared. But, if you didn't have that fear to push through, would you know how strong you are for taking that first step?

We all have different goals and pursuits in life. Our journeys are our own, our paths full of twists and turns, but we all want the same result - to reach our destination. If you promise to hold my hand while I take my first step, I promise to not let go when you take yours.

Live Your Life

2012-01-08T21:10:00.000-06:00

New Year, New You. That's what they say, right? But, it doesn't have to be a "New Year" to invent the "new you." Life is full of surprises and happy twists and turns and opportunities to make it what you want. You just have to be paying attention when it happens.

My advice for the new year? Throw out all ideals and notions of living by a schedule or agenda. I'm not talking reckless abandon here. Still get up and go to work everyday, feed your children, do your normal routines. Just don't get caught up and stuck in them. Take your nose out of weekly planner and LIVE life. (Now this may be advice more for myself than anything, but if it works for you also, then Yippee!!)

Enjoy the moments outdoors. Soak up the energy of the full moons. Touch trees as you pass them. Be in the moment, at every moment. Easier said than done, I know, but it won't hurt to at least try. What's the worst that can happen if you live your life with intention? You might actually get what you want out of life? You might enjoy every aspect of your life? Hey, that's a win-win if you ask me.

Well, Well, Well ... Wouldn't ya Know?!

2011-06-21T23:55:00.005-05:00

So, I'm on Facebook, checking on an event page that I'm participating in, and I happen to glance to my right (at those pesky little ads that I rarely ever pay attention to). Imagine my surprise when I notice something along the lines of - 'My Secret Psychic Life'. Um, OF COURSE I clicked it!! I skimmed through the bio, about how this woman is your normal, everyday, suburban-type person, who has a secret psychic life.

Ho. Ly. Shit. It's not just me. AND!!!! ... perhaps I am somewhat more normal than I realized. *gasp* OK, OK, perhaps *I* am not more normal, but my situation just might be. I mean, in all honestly, I do know there are many of us out there who lead this 'secret life' outside of our daily mundane routines, but something about this particular ad struck a chord in me.

My guides are well aware of the fact that they need to literally hit me over the head with things for me to "get it." And, well, I feel like that ad I noticed was a conk over the head. Like a, "HELLO Dumb ass!! Wake up already! OWN your shit! It's yours. You have it for a reason. Own it and USE it!" Let me be honest here - I won't be singing this from the rooftops anytime soon, but I feel like I'm slowly but surely coming out of my broom closet. Watch out world.

An Experiment

2011-05-19T12:48:00.005-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a huge fan of Chip Coffey. I admire the confidence and conviction he has, his no-nonsense approach, and his willingness to help others. When he posted a little experiment on his Facebook page, I was game!

Step 1 of the experiment was to write down 5 words that I felt described myself.
Mine were:
1. Honest
2. Compassionate
3. Intelligent
4. Loyal
5. Insightful

Step 2 was to ask friends and family to tell me 5 words that THEY felt described me. I got quite a few responses:
Bubbly
Fun -2
Joyful -2
Spiritual - 2
Loving - 4
Compassionate -5
Intuitive
Sparkly
Talented
Cheerful
Friendly
Intelligent/Smart -4
Sweet
Unique
Strong
Beautiful
Amazing -2
Creative
Caring
Supportive
Wonderful
Magnificent
Real
True -2
Sensitive
Gifted
Generous
Lovely
Lonesome
Kind
Funny
Warm
Happy
Honest
Sexy

*I have to say that it was fun to see the responses. I was quite touched by many of them and very thankful that so many people chimed in to give their views of me. I also suggest this experiment to all of you. You never know what you might learn about yourself.*

Step 3 was to compare my own words to the words that everyone else provided and ask these questions - Are the lists similar? Am I happy with the way I project myself to others? Did some words surprise me? Did I feel anxious about asking others to describe me? Who am I ... really?

Well, I was surprised at how many similarities there were amongst the lists. This made me stop and think, "Huh? I must be finally coming into myself and truthfully being 'me'." I was able to sit back and feel proud of myself for being true to who I am and who I am meant to be.

Take a deep breath.

Let it out.

I'm on my way.

Past Life Regression

2011-05-10T22:56:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had a Past Life Regression (PLR)? Amazing stuff! I had one a month or so ago and am STILL trying to process it all. My amazing friend, Shannon, did the session over the phone and taped it so I could listen back at my convenience. Honestly? I haven't listened to it yet. I am just not ready, I guess. I remember most of the details from it, but I think actually listening to it is still a bit deeper than I'm willing to dive just yet. (Ha! I just got my own 'dive' joke. You'll understand as you read on...) :) As a dear friend of mine would say... "grab a pillow for your butt."

I've never had a PLR before this one, so I wasn't sure what to expect and had a little anxiety about it. Shannon picked up on this, and chatted with me a bit prior to help ease the anxiety. She explained to me what regression and hypnosis was like. I learned that it wasn't much different than a guided meditation, except that I would go deeper under. Simple enough, right?
~On a side note (there may be many "side notes" to this one...), I used to always think about how I didn't think I could quiet my mind enough to meditate. And now, I realize how easily I go into a meditative state. I love learning and realizing things like this. ~

Shannon guided me through a series of steps (ha..another joke!), literally - I walked down a stairway in the beginning of the session. I know, I know... get on with it. Shannon explained to me that I could experience the regression one of two ways, in body or as an onlooker, and that my soul would know which would be better for me. Once I was "there," she asked me to look down at my shoes and then see what I was wearing.

Here's how it went for me (remember this is from memory alone):
I looked down and saw a pair of black shoes on my feet. I was in a long, black dress, with a long white apron. I looked around and saw many other women dressed this way, except they were all wearing bonnet-looking hats. The men were dressed in black suits with black hats, but I only saw a few of them. The women were abundant and every woman that I saw was out sweeping their porches. All of the houses were small, with an A-line roof (I think that's what they would be called). When I surveyed the land, there was a lot of greenery, hills, trees, etc. and I was definitely on the East Coast. Actually, when Shannon asked what part of the world I was in, I responded with, "America," and went on to more specifically say, "Salem." (I do have to note that I wasn't wearing one of those bonnet-looking hats, like the rest of the women.)

No one there seemed to really take notice of me. No one waving or smiling as I walked past. It almost felt like I was in a dream, spying on another world. This was early on in the regression, and I could tell I was under, but wasn't "deep." I said that it felt like the 1800's. But, also felt a question with it, like I wasn't fully sure. I was a female, in my early 20's and my name began with an 'S', but I wasn't sure of my name. I was also unmarried, with no children, and a housemaid, which apparently I wasn't too fond of. It was boring and tedious to me.
~Side note time: Now, thinking back, I have to wonder if my name was 'Charlotte'. I wonder this because in my entire life, I've only had ONE invisible friend. I was under the age of 4 when she was around and her name, of course was Charlotte. For such a young age, I have vivid memories of a day with her and my grandparents and her name has never left me. Kind of makes you wonder.~

I went forward in time some, and at this point starting feeling myself go deeper. There was another girl that was with me at this point, Sarah, who I immediately identified as my cousin Michele, this time around. I was in a horrifying experience, as I watched Sarah get dragged away from me by some men. It was clear to me now that they thought we were witches. I KNEW that we weren't, but this is what "they" thought. We were different than "them" which didn't sit well. I watched, in hiding, as they tied Sarah up to a tree, or something wooden. I knew fire would be coming soon, so I turned and ran.

I went forward more (and deeper), and said the year was '92. Then, repeated the "18," to say 1892. I was still on the run. All I could see was trees whizzing past me as I ran, panting, trying to stay ahead of the 'men' that were on the hunt for me. I stopped, and was hiding on the side of a building, when I heard the men's voices. I knew I was seconds from being found. Shannon tried to get me to go forward more, but I was frozen. I could see nothing but blackness. She then asked me to step out of the body to experience the rest as an onlooker.
~Side note: As I was experiencing the 'running', I immediately thought to myself, "Oh my gosh. My dreams!" I have had recurring dreams/nightmares of me running from someone/something. I never really knew who or what I was running from. But, I was often running and hiding, and I would be on the side of a building or some structure, with a sense of whoever was chasing me being right around the corner. I ALWAYS woke up right before I was found or caught. Since the regression, I've had only one dream, where I was running from someone. Right away I recognized this, and in my dream state, said, "No, no, no. This can't be happening again." I woke up and the dream never continued. ~

I watched, as the men grabbed the girl and dragged her alongside of their horses, as they galloped along. They were at the seashore. The men tied something heavy to the girl and flung her into the water. It almost felt as though she ran, so this was her "punishment."

Now, some things that stood out to me... Shannon asked me how I felt about water. I have always had a fear of drowning. Always. I know how to swim and am actually quite fond of water. I feel very comfortable and at 'home' when in water, especially lakes or running bodies of water. However, I take active measures (floaty devices, etc.) when I'm in water that is over my head or I can't see the bottom. I get anxious if I'm forced to enter water without a floatation device to have hold of.

Also, prior to bringing me out of the regression, Shannon asked what unfinished business I had (or something to that effect). My answer - I never grew up, never got married, and never had children. This stood out to Shannon, as having children is a current issue I'm dealing with. She said there may be a connection there that I should look further into. I'm still working on that one.

Another thing Michele pointed out to me is that I answered, "America" when asked where I was on the world. If asked that today, the answer would be, "The U.S." Back in those times, there was no United States - only the new world known as 'America'. I'm glad she noticed that, because I didn't!

Of course my curious mind had to get right to work after the PLR, so I jumped online and googled some stuff. I found out that a lot of the 'burnings' of witches happened in 1692. I let out a nice, "Holy shit!" when I saw that. Now, I never felt fully sure about the '1800s', but I felt 100% confident when I said '92. It rolled off of my tongue, without question. I also looked up images of this time and everything looked exactly as I had just seen it myself.

My mind is very analytical, and I spent days going over all of this in my head. Did I make this all up? Did I spend an hour or so in "the land of make-believe?" I told myself I had seen pictures of tv shows on these times, so I knew how the homes looked and how the people dressed. I did and said many things to talk myself out of the experience I just had. But, then I was forced to look at the specifics I didn't know or couldn't have possibly known. The year, the running away from the men (showing me where my recurring dreams stemmed from), watching the drowning, saying I was in "America" ... so many things. I finally forced myself to stop analyzing and trying to explain off the whole regression.

The truth of the matter is - I went back into a past lifetime of mine and healed some very old wounds.

Appreciation

2011-04-16T19:07:00.010-05:00

Along this journey called "life," I've met some pretty amazing souls ... and some not so amazing. Fortunately, I've been able to learn something from them, whether they were amazing or not. I've learned what true love is thanks to my husband, and I've learned what unconditional love is thanks to my nephew. I've met some pretty amazing women who have helped me along my journey, pointing me in the right directions (even if I didn't listen right away), offering me undeniable advice (again, even if I didn't listen right away), and being an all-around fantastic support system for me.

I've been learning about patience, and the fact that I have very little of it in many situations. This is where I remind everyone of that "work in progress" that I like to refer to myself as. I've also been learning to set boundaries - something that I hadn't done in the past. It's amazing what happens when those boundaries get set. When I declared (to myself and the Universe) that I refused to take part in or enable certain behaviors of those close to me, all of a sudden the contact with those individuals lessened.

I've learned that I struggle with many personalities, especially those that are full of shit. Hypocrisy and lying are among my least favorite traits and I am determined to not allow time for those people in my life. In some cases this is great! But, in other cases, this pertains to souls that are close to me - family, close friends, etc. - and creates problems that aren't always easy to navigate. I'm sure these problems just mean more learning for me. I also know that life is all about balance, so in order to take in and appreciate the amazing souls I've encountered, I have to take in and appreciate the not-so-amazing ones.

So, here's me declaring my appreciation of all of the souls that have impacted my life, whether good or bad. Obviously I have more appreciation for the 'good impact souls', but again ... "work in progress." :)

2011 - My Year

2011-02-07T23:17:00.002-06:00

So, I'm about a month and a week late on the whole "2011" thing, but hey, better late than never, right? =)

It seemed that shortly after the clock struck midnight on January 1st, I heard it - "This is your year." So, I questioned what exactly that meant.

Here is my answer:
This is my year to finally be me. Who I am, inside and out. Who I am meant to be. This is my year to finally integrate my "two" lives into one. To be out, to be open, regardless of any consequence that might bring.

I feel like I've been gearing up for this for a couple of years now. I've gone through different experiences and learned many lessons along the way, all leading, teaching and bringing me to this moment. I've met many people who have inspired and supported me. I can only hope that those types of people will continue to enter my life as I become the 'me' I am meant to be.

And, I am eternally grateful for those that have already entered my life and taught me and encouraged me.

A Lesson in Karma

2011-01-14T16:44:00.003-06:00

I often butt heads with my younger brother about the subject of Karma. Well, come to think of it, I often butt heads with him on many topics. I live with an overall 'knowing' of certain things in life. He lives with a black-and-white, have-to-see-to-believe approach. (Shhh ... don't tell him, but he's SLOWLY coming to the 'other' side. His confessions of hearing a 'voice' in his head telling him not to do something JUST before it happens, and seeing a Spirit or two give it away. Baby steps. Teeny, tiny baby steps.)

When we talk about Karma, he argues that it doesn't exist because he may have done something to someone, and that exact thing doesn't happen in return to him. That's the problem. Karma isn't necessarily "an eye for an eye." For example, let's say that for years you 'cheated the system' by lying about income or filing for public assistance untruthfully. Don't be surprised if many years later you find yourself losing your home or your car, seemingly out of nowhere. Don't be surprised if you feel your world crumbling down on you and you can't seem to understand why. That, my friends, is Karma.

Dictionary.com defines Karma as such:

kar·ma
–noun
1. Hinduism, Buddhism . action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.
2. Theosophy . the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.
3. fate; destiny.
4. the good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something.

So, you see, just because you may have used or abused someone or something, you can't expect those exact same things happening to you. But, you can however, expect something, not so pleasant in return at some point in your life.

Karma works in the positive sense also. Living your life, honestly, truly doing good and feeling good about what you do can reap positive rewards for your life.

It's really not that hard to appreciate what you have, not envy what you don't, be kind to others, always remember "The Golden Rule," and be the best person you can be. Go ahead and try it. I dare you. Then, sit back and start to notice all of the great, unexpected things that start happening in your life.

Karma is elementary, Dear Watson, elementary.

This toad-ally applies

2010-06-13T23:09:00.004-05:00

You know those times when you're given a "sign," but don't notice it, so you're given another one, in a more dramatic fashion? That seems to happen to me a lot. For whatever reason, I seem to be aloof to my "signs" most times. Thank goodness for persistent Guides and Angels, who don't give up on me.

We spent Memorial Day weekend in Michigan, at my in-laws' gorgeous lake house. Saturday night, we built a fire and made s'mores and relaxed under the stars. Actually, my 5-year old nephew looked up at all of the stars in the sky and said, "Wow! Those are a lot of wishes up there." Adorable, right?

OK, OK I'll get onto the story. Upon walking into the house, I could have sworn I saw something move near my feet, so I quickly flipped on the light switch right by the door, only to find a cute little toad had hopped right into the house when I opened the door. Now, keep in mind that several people had been walking in and out of that same door all evening long, without a cute little toad hopping in their path. I stood there just staring at the little guy, with my husband and brother telling me to get into the house so they could shoo the toad back out. (I was blocking the half-open doorway...woopsy)

The next day, as we were sitting outside, I noticed the toad again, hanging around. Of course, I didn't really think twice about it, since they live on a lake and toad's are quite common. Not necessarily on your back step, but common nonetheless.

It was once we got back home that I FINALLY got the "sign." We got caught in a storm right as we were pulling up to our house, causing us to sit in the car for 10 minutes, waiting for the rain to die down some. Around 12:45 a.m., the rain finally let up and we made a run for it, the dog, us and our bags. Running up the walk, guess what comes hopping out toward me??? A FREAKING TOAD!!! Never have I seen a toad around here. EVER! And for this little guy to come hopping out toward me, during a rain storm, made me stop and see the "sign!"

Once we got settled in the house, I grabbed my Animal Spirit Guides book to read my message. (I must also say that had I not been taking cues from my friend Yvonne about this stuff, the toad and his message would have been lost on me) So, here's the message my friend, the toad came to deliver -

If a toad shows up, it means: It's a good time to withdraw into solitude and contemplate emotional or spiritual matters.
You'll have an opportunity to review and clear some uncomfortable emotional issues from the past.
This is an opportunity to contact your most primal, instinctual self--the part of you that's the seed of any new personal or spiritual growth.
This is a volatile period of personal change, one where you'll feel unsettled and fragmented, yet one in which a new "you" will emerge feeling more integrated and whole.
You have much more available to you in terms of skills, experience, and inner strength than you're aware of.

Well, needless to say, before taking in the message, I had been pondering much emotional and spiritual stuff, trying to navigate where exactly I fit into it all. (still an on-going process) I've also cleared A LOT of issues from the past and feel so much lighter. (although, still an on-going process) I've gone back to the source of 'me' and who I strive to be, and have tried to do more readings, which is where I'm the happiest. Whether volatile or not, I love personal change and am always striving to be the best 'me' I can be, but knowing that there is a bright side of feeling more integrated and whole on the other side of all of this is very reassuring. And that last part? Well, I can feel the strength, power, and wisdom deep inside of me and am always searching for the ability to access it. I guess when the time is right, and I am ready (danielson), it will be shown to me.

From one Virginia to another...

2010-03-01T00:13:00.005-06:00

Being that I'm starting this entry at 12:13 a.m. is a good sign, for me. I LOVE numbers and numerology, and well, my birthday is 12/13. After sharing my 'muffin' with you all, I realized I never shared the "diagnosis." They say I have hyperinsulinemia, which is a condition where my pancreas produces too much insulin and my body works harder than usual to maintain a normal glucose level. How do I feel about this? I don't, really. Apparently this 'condition' will also cause a woman not to ovulate, which is my underlying problem. I felt relieved to have an answer, at first. But, a few weeks later, I'm not so sure. I don't fully agree that this is the "problem." I, personally, think I'm experiencing perimenopause. I'll be in contact with the doctors in the upcoming week to see if we can come to a conclusion about this.

Meanwhile, at the bat cave... I had an AMAZING psychic reading two weeks ago. Amazing actually doesn't even begin to cover my feelings on the readings. Cherry, the reader, gave me so much information and insight to myself and my own journey on the "psychic, spiritual ride." Even though I've had nudges, and feelings about what I am to do with my gifts, I never felt 'sure'. After my reading, I have not one doubt in my mind what I am to do. Let me not forget to mention that prior to the reading, I went to my guides and asked that they go to Cherry and provide her and her guides with information I needed and which direction to head in. What was most comforting was that her journey along this path was much similar to what mine is, so I finally felt like someone actually "got me."

I've had numerous conversations and connections with many people about this over the past 2 years and have had so many wonderful people enter my life to help me along my way. But, this time, it felt different. I can't explain it in words. What I can say, though, is that for once I don't question my goal or direction. And, that alone, provides more comfort than I ever imagined.

So, now my struggle seems to be balancing my happy world with the "normal" world, and finding time to do my crafty stuff and do more readings while working and being a wife, and dealing with this female stuff. Lucky for me, my grandmother (who was my inspiration behind this blog name), was Superwoman, so I have it in my genes to succeed and manage all of this. If that Virginia could do all of the amazing things that she did in her life, then this Virginia can follow in those footsteps of greatness. And, since the light in this room just flickered, I know she is here with me, agreeing.

Have YOU seen my muffin?

2010-01-29T21:15:00.008-06:00

I'll give you fair warning right now - this entry is going to contain far too much personal information and will be a bit graphic at times. However, if you continue to read, I'm sure you'll have a nice laugh if you're not woozy. Now is when your fight or flight should kick in and you decide to fight it out and continue to read, or flight right on out of here.

Glad to see you stayed. =)

This bumpy ride that I call "fertility clinic visits" has taken away any modesty I may have had. Honestly. My vagina has been exposed to more strangers in the past two weeks than ever before in my life. It has also been probed with more objects than Cartman's ass. (You must be a fan of South Park to get that one.)

I have had an internal ultrasound, an endometrial biopsy and an HSG test. For those of you non-medical folk, I'll break those down for you. The internal ultrasound consisted of a "wand" that was thin, with a little knob on the end, covered in ultrasound "goo" and inserted inside of me. The fun part was, I got to see my ovaries and uterus on a screen while the ultrasound was being performed. Did I know I was looking at my ovaries and uterus? No. But, I'm glad the nurse told me. On a scale of 1 - 10, this one was about a 5 comfort level, with 10 being complete comfort.

Fast forward to two weeks later and we get to the endometrial biopsy. Now, it was explained to me that I would feel some cramping during this one. I did feel a slight twinge of pain for a mere second and thought, "Huh. That wasn't so bad." Well wouldn't ya know? I apparently had a "non-cooperative cervix" at that moment, so we got to redo the whole thing again the next day!

The next day comes and, again, I am told of the cramping prior and on this comfort scale, this one is getting a big fat 1! Oh and did I mention that the HSG test was performed immediately after? I mean, why expose my vagina yet again, since it's already out in the open, right? The HSG test consisted of dye being injected into my "reproductive area" and then a series of x-rays were taken to be sure that there was no blockage anywhere. This comfort level was about a 9. It really wasn't bad at all.

And, by this point I was even joking with the nurses about everyone seeing my vagina. You might be sitting here, reading all of this, and wondering why there are so many details about all of this. But, I figured since you decided to stay and keep reading, that I should entertain you. Please don't mistake any of this as complaining, because it's quite the opposite actually. I've come to find all of this entertaining. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Really, this process (and I'm only in the very beginning stages), is pretty overwhelming and I can handle that in several ways. I choose to laugh mostly, cry minimally, and list the clinic as a residence on next year's taxes.

OH! And one other thing? I've become so accustomed to sitting (or laying) in a room with only a shirt and socks on, with a hospital sheet "over my lap" that I'm thinking of pitching this look to Project Runway as an episode challenge. What do you think?

Imagine my excitement!

2010-01-07T15:22:00.002-06:00

OK, this cannot go unnoticed (or talked about)! So, a few weeks ago, I distinctly remember hearing the word "apothecary" at two different times during that week. The second time, I wrote it down (I was at work), and decided to look it up once I got home.

I looked up the meaning and it said things like....pharmacist, dispensing pharmaceutical products, etc. So, I'm thinking...OK?? I'm hearing this word, what does it mean?? I've been asking and asking to show me direction. I was a pharmacy tech in the past, so did this mean I should go back to that? Quite honestly, I didn't get that "YES!" feel when I asked if I should go back to it, so I left it alone. You know, we don't always get all the answers at once.

So, here I am searching, and googling my ass off, trying to find Reiki classes around here (for a reasonable price!). While searching, I found a school, not TOO far from me, that teaches Holisitic Massage and Reflexology. Not wanting to be a follower (Michele is a Massage Therapist), I have just thought about it for a day or two. I talked to Michele about it last night, asked what her tuition was. When she told me I wasn't sure what to think. She said her tuition was around $11,000, and was probably up to about $13,000 at this point.

I sat there..."BLINK BLINK"....."BLINK BLINK"... "Um, I found this site, the tuition was $7000, down to $5500 with an economic stimulus tuition roll back...." I asked her to check the site out and am still waiting to hear from her. Regardless of all of that.....

So, I searching YET again today and I find the Aspectarian online. I'm browsing that, writing down various sites from the zine when I come across one of the shops near me that I haven't yet been to or checked out. I go to their website to check things out. It says that not only are they planning Reiki classes for Jan, but Psychic Development classes as well. WHAT?!?!?! Except, there's no January calendar to be found! LOL. I sent them an email asking about it.

So, back to browsing their site, I see they are on FB (going to "become a fan" in a few..), and I see a link for "Jen's blog." No clue who Jen is, BUT I thought, well, let me check it out, on the off chance that she's on Blogspot and I can follow her. Um, she's on Blogspot. What are the odds? I mean, I know it's pretty popular, but there are many many others...

ANYWAY!!! (Man do I talk a lot! haha) I click on her blog and what is the title of the most recent entry?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I swear to God, it made me SPEAK out loud, TO MYSELF! I said, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. AM I REALLY READING THIS?"

The title??? "ENCHANTED APOTHECARY" It took my breath away AGAIN just now as I typed it. Literally, took the wind out of me for a brief second. Here is the link.. http://enchantedcounterqueen.blogspot.com/ . It's about blended oils. Dried herbs and essential oils go hand in hand.

And the plot thickens... Perhaps I am on the right road at this moment? Dun, dun, dun....

Stay tuned.

I'd Do Anything and Everything Just To Be... Unbroken

2010-01-04T23:15:00.006-06:00

While the Holidays were hectic, I'm a bit thankful for the craziness. With all of the running 'here and there,' my mind was kept busy and not stressing over the appointment with the (in)fertility doctor tomorrow morning. However, I think my body wants to get the emotions of this appointment out, because I have been dizzy with a migraine all day. If you don't allow yourself the break or time needed, the Universe provides it for you. It truly is not a good thing to keep any emotions bottled up.

What emotions you ask? Where do I start? I'm terrified. I'm so nervous about what may or may not be said. I know it's only the initial appointment and I actually don't even meet with the doctor at this point, only the LPN, but the nerves are still there. I have about 10 pages of forms to fill out and read sitting in front of me and I haven't even made it through the first page. What if I truly cannot have children?? I know I've brought that up in the last entry, but I am an emotional woman right now so I feel allowed to repeat myself.

But, what if this is all "no big deal," meaning nothing major is wrong with either one of us? I feel I might be getting a bit worked up at this point, not knowing anything at all. But, isn't that what we fear the most? The unknown.

I've already stated to my husband that IF there is an issue with my reproductive system, I am going through any and all holistic modalities before I even think about letting my body be subjected to and injected with hormones and other treatments. Acupuncture, EFT, Reiki ... you name it. I am not comfortable with my body being put through hormone treatments, and that is a big part of the reason I've put this appointment off for so long.

I remember being so upset with my grandmother when she was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. She didn't want to put her body through any chemotherapy, radiation, or surgeries. Nothing had a 100% success rate and she didn't want to go through any of that with a 30% chance that it wouldn't work. I only wish she was here for me to tell her how much I understand it all now. Well that, and to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right.

Confessions of a want-to-be Mom

2009-12-28T23:53:00.004-06:00

While I'm fully aware that not every woman has that maternal instinct, I'm also just as aware that some of us women are put here for the sole purpose of being a Mother. I feel I am one of those women. I remember being a little kid and stuffing pillows in my shirt while playing make-believe. No matter what we were playing, I was always the pregnant "mom."

But now, at the age of 32, and not one baby yet, the anxiety is rising. Now, let it be known, I've never been "one of those girls" who had to compete with her friends on who was going to be married first, have the biggest wedding, have kids first, etc. I've also never really been the jealous type or envious of others' lives. So, it must be said that my yearning for a baby truly comes from my purpose here of being a Mom.

For the past two years, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. While some may think this is a long time, I always felt that it just wasn't our time yet, and once it was the right time, pregnancy would happen. Imagine my horror when, during a routine doctor visit, she tells me I should see an infertility specialist. She says that "technically" I'm infertile after trying to get pregnant after a year. WHAT?!?!

I, of course, was in tears before settling into my car to drive home. I mean, me? Infertile? But, I'm a woman who is MEANT to be a Mom. Meant to have babies. LOTS of babies! Infertile? No freaking way. So, I ignored her and went about my life. I mean, after all, I TRULY felt inside that it just wasn't time yet. Six months later and another routine "hey, how are things?" doctor visit and I could swear I heard the "I" word again. Maybe she should have checked my hearing? After crying my eyes out, yet again, I again went about my life. I'm telling you, it just wasn't time yet.

Now we are in the here and now. After turning 30, my periods became suddenly irregular, out of nowhere. Started off with two months of no period, to going back to a somewhat normal cycle for about 2 months, to complete haywire. I am now at the point of one stint of a month and a half of a period, to a ten day break, onto a two month stint of a period. OK. Time for a doctor visit.

This time I decided to see a gynecologist, instead of my GP. Heh, finding a good GYN was a task in itself. After much research through my insurance, and asking many trusted women about their GYN's, I started my phone calls for an appointment. I would have never guessed this would have been so difficult. I made several calls, all with various not-so-good results, causing me a lot of frustration, and yes, more tears. (I do not cry easily, or often, I SWEAR!)

While I was thinking this can't be happening, I thumbed through my list of doctors again. That's when I stumbled upon the name of a doctor I had FIRST written down, but for whatever reason hadn't called yet. After a deep breath and a quick prayer I called that office. "Hi, I am a new patient and would like to make an appointment ... What?? Really? You can get me in within two weeks??" Finally!! The appointment wasn't for the doctor I had written down, but after I looked up this doctor's bio, I was very happy and was left with a very comfortable and "at ease" feeling.

We went through the routine exam, and she also suggested an infertility specialist. Only this time, she gave me a name and number of a specialist, instead of just the 'suggestion' of seeing one. She also made me promise to go home and call him that day for an appointment. I did as I was told and much to my surprise, they were able to schedule me within a few weeks time as well. Where have these people been hiding for the past year??

So, here I am, a week away from this initial appointment and I'm filled with so many different emotions. My worthiness as a woman is in question. Possibly infertile? But, isn't that my main function as a woman? To reproduce? I'm also excited at the thought of getting pregnant and finally having a baby, but quite nervous at the road we may have to take to get there. One day I just want to lose it and cry for the whole day and the next day, I sit in eager anticipation, waiting for my appointment to finally get some answers.

This has truly been the longest two weeks of my life thus far. I'm scared that there are "longer weeks" in my future...

I'll Be There For You

2009-12-27T23:11:00.004-06:00

What is a friend?

Webster defines friend as such:
Main Entry: 1friend
Pronunciation: \ˈfrend\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free
Date: before 12th century
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker
— friend·less \ˈfren(d)-ləs\ adjective
— friend·less·ness noun
— be friends with : to have a friendship or friendly relationship with

But, for the majority of my life, I defined friend as family. My friends were the only people I had in my life to turn to, to rely on, to count on and to be there for me. My friends and I turned to each other for all issues we had growing up. While this may seem normal to most people, to me, it was a blessing to have these people in my life. I didn't have the best childhood, or the best support system, so without my friends, I would have had nothing.

I haven't always been the best at expressing myself, in a positive manner. I've always had issues showing my gratitude, expressing my thanks, and letting those I care deeply about know just how much they mean to me. I will forever be a work in progress.

And, just because I may give off a tough exterior, doesn't mean I don't care, or that I don't have feelings. It's quite the opposite actually. Most of the time I care more than people will ever know, and my feelings, well, they are there and they get hurt just like everyone else's.

So, try to think of this next time you wonder about that 'one friend' who may appear strong and put-together. It's quite possible that person DOES have feelings and DOES care, but just isn't sure how to show it. Don't assume that person won't be bothered if they are left off of the Christmas card list, or excluded from the invite list of the next gathering. Chances are, they were anxiously awaiting the card, thought, or invite, ready and willing to support or help out in any way possible. Chances are ... they just need to be given the chance.

How dreary would be the world ...

2009-12-11T19:32:00.005-06:00

I bet we all distinctly remember the moment, as children, that we learned there was no Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth fairy, etc. I know I do.

I woke up very early one morning to use the bathroom, only to find out the tooth fairy had not shown up the night before. My mom and uncle were up and I went to them and cried that She didn't come. Did she forget about me?? The horror! I took my teary-eyed self to the bathroom and came out, to find my mom standing in the hallway, in front of my bedroom door. I attempted to round the corner to walk into my room, and my mom stopped me, telling me I had to wait. Well, she wasn't fast enough. I was able to catch a glimpse of my uncle, reaching into his pocket. Oddly enough, when I returned to bed, there was a "present" from Miss Tooth fairy. Hmmm. Being the detective that I am, I put two and two together. I went back to sleep for a bit, deciding to talk to my mom about this later. For the time being, I was still tired and just happy that I had money.

However, the damage had been done. My analytical little mind had already started working, realizing the money had come from them all those times, not the Tooth fairy. And, if there was no Tooth fairy, well, I was willing to bet there was no Easter Bunny or Santa either. So, I confronted my mom. I really don't even recall the conversation we had, figuring it all out on my own was enough for me.

These days, as an adult, I rethink my theories on there being no Santa. Little Virginia O'Hanlon brings back the belief and inspiration each year around Christmas time, all because of her letter to The Sun, back in 1897. So, while we are caught up in the hustle and bustle of "the holiday season," take a moment to remember why we love this time of year.

In honor of the person I miss the most in this world and to quote a phrase I've heard my entire life, "Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus." :

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
"VIRGINIA O'HANLON."115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

For the love of Goddess

2009-09-24T23:07:00.004-05:00

I attended a class tonight at my favorite meta-shop. It was all about the three aspects of the Goddess. The best part was the guided meditation, which brought us to meet each aspect of the goddess. We started out next to a well, that we threw all of our problems down. We then went on a path, leading to an iron door. Once I went through the door, I was met by Kristin, who assured me this was good and I would enjoy it. She walked with me through the corridor, arm in arm, into the open area where I met the Maiden. The Maiden was lovely and beautiful, wearing a long white flowing gown and full of life and vitality. I spoke briefly with her and asked her to oversee a project I am working on. I departed with her, and Kristin, and moved into another corridor. At this point, I was literally spinning, so much so, that I thought I might fall out of the chair I was sitting in!

Walking through this corridor, I was met with ghosts and issues from my lifetimes. However, none of them touched me. I was surrounded with some sort of 'field' protecting me and my energy, while being told in my ear, from a soft voice, that I've been doing a great job dealing with the issues and ghosts and there was no need for interaction with them now. I then walked into a large room with scarlet walls, with a fountain in the center, flowing deep red water. This time I met with the Mother. Again, she was beautiful, wearing a long red flowing gown and the Mother was had such nurturing about her. We spoke briefly, then she touched my third eye, and put her hand on my heart, while holding a chalice for me to drink from with her other hand. She then instructed me to go through a doorway, which led to a very narrow hall.

This hall had amethyst points on the walls and I was able to touch them and take in their beauty. This hallway was also extremely narrow, yet I was fully comfortable and not experiencing any anxiety or feeling closed in. The next room I came upon was dark and gorgeous. There was a black pool, and when I looked into the water, I saw what had to be a vision from a past life. I was in that pool, figuratively, being drowned for my 'ways'. My vision was interrupted by the arrival of the Crone. She entered wearing a long, dark cloak, with the hood over her head. She lifter her hands to pull the hood back, revealing her long gray hair, in two braids and her beautiful face, full of wisdom and knowledge.

Around the pool were three sets of stairs, leading up to a cauldron. The Crone walked me up a set of stairs, where I was staring down into the cauldron. There was dark, inky like liquid bubbling in it and she told me if I was ready for a rebirth, to take off my clothes and get in. She also warned that there would be consequences should I do so, that a rebirth requires many actions. I wanted this full experience and I feel I am ready to move into the next phase of my life, so I went in. It was beautiful in there! I was able to stand in the liquid, surrounded by dark, having my own private moment. I felt the liquid surge up around me, surrounding me with love. I felt an overwhelming sense of love from inside there. While basking in this, I heard, "Look around." So, I walked over to the 'wall' of the cauldron to see what was there. I saw hieroglyphics on the wall. It went down a ways, with scene after scene of information. Far too much for me to fully take in or remember.

The Crone reached in to pull me out, and I was back at the top of the stairs, but fully dry. I came down and met the Crone. She also had a chalice for me to drink from. She held the chalice while I drank and then touched my third eye, my chest, and my abdomen. She then put something in my hand. It was thin and silver, somewhat like a coin, but none like I have ever seen. I was told I shall have this item in my presence one day.

I have never done a guided meditation before and I'm very happy with the outcome. I feel I'm getting better at going into a meditative state, and I am so happy that I was able to see and experience this meditation. I also can't believe how much I was spinning in the beginning!! I felt different when I left, on a bit of a high, and loving everything about life. *sigh* Goddess Bless!

A Visit from a Friend

2009-09-06T22:32:00.005-05:00

Usually our drive home from Michigan consists of me, driving with the radio off, leaving me to my thoughts, while the hubs dozes off. This evening however, I decided to play the "radio game" while driving. The radio game consists of me hitting the 'scan' button and letting the radio automatically flip through the stations, and when I hear a song I like, I stop the scanning. Most times, the radio just scans and scans, and allows for background 'noise' while I drive.

During the drive, my thoughts drifted off to wanting more time to practice readings and connections. I thought, I need to find someone to work with, allowing me to practice on a somewhat regular basis. Hey, maybe hubs would be a willing participant. Maybe I can ask him who he'd like me to try to connect with. While these thoughts are happening, I hear a very familiar and much LOVED song on the radio, so I quickly stop the scanner. The song was Far Behind by Candlebox. I know, old song, but the song has much significance for me. That was one of "mine and Kristin's" songs. And, for the first time since she's passed, the words to this song actually spoke to me. It was Kristin, communicating with me.

Why didn't I think of this already? Here I was, thinking about how I need someone to work with, and then Kristin appears!! For whatever reason, my mind was thinking someone in the physical, but my request was answered immediately, and the answer was someone in spirit. Of course!! How silly of me to NOT think that in the first place! I asked her, you will work with me? You will help me with my connections? Why did I not think of this? You are someone I completely trust to turn to for messages.

I even asked about my grandmother, because I thought, for sure, she would be my 'helper', but for whatever reason it is Kristin. And? I am so OK and comfortable with that! Actually, I LOVE it!

After that song was over, I went back to scan. If you're not familiar with the 'scan' feature on the car radio, this button flips through the stations, stopping for 15-20 seconds on every channel it picks up. In those 15-20 seconds that each channel idled, I was given so many lines of answers to all of my questions. Gosh, she makes me smile! Then, I asked her, Come on Kris, give me something more. Give me another song. I need to KNOW this is for real.

I got the most amazing answer. A song I've heard before, but never paid much attention to, I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. While, to most, this is a love song, but to me, it was my answer.

(the lines in bold and italics are the ones that spoke to me)
Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, and I'm tryin to get back before the cool done run out
I'll be givin it my bestest and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
It's your God forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
So, I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate our time is short this is our fate, I'm yours
Do you want to come closer, dear? And I will nibble your ear.
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm a sayin' is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more it cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate our time is short it cannot wait, I'm yours.
No please don't hesitate no more, no more it cannot wait, the sky is yours!

Now, I must admit, this isn't the song I was hoping for. I was truly hoping for the other one of "our songs," but this one confirmed AND answered questions for me. I told her how much I love her and how I wish I could just squeeze her. But, I am so incredibly happy about her visit and our new-found connection. And, I cannot wait for our future endeavors. I can't say it enough, I truly love this girl!

Council of Transmission

2009-08-05T23:54:00.004-05:00

I may have just had my first solo meditation experience and encounter. I was laying in bed with the hubs and as he fell asleep, I tried 'drifting' off to find my 'place'. I've recently learned that having a place to 'go to' is vital, so I wanted to find mine. That is not an easy task!

I went from 'looking' at various different peaceful, beautiful, serene places and just not 'feeling' them, to hearing the word "cosmos." Then, I remembered the Crystal Bowl Meditation I attended, and 'traveling' through the galaxy. I then went to this beach, not just any beach, MY beach. As I thought that exact sentence, both of my ears started ringing. I looked along the shoreline to find one white house on the coast. Only one. My house. I said that I didn't want to meet up with anyone there, just wanted to 'find' the place so I knew where to go in the future. I was urged to go in, just for a moment. Inside there was a council, 4 members. When I questioned, "Only four?" I was told that I was the fifth member. Me? No. That's not possible, being part of this council was too "big" for me. (I'm now thinking that I am the fifth member of the council for this life experience?) I was then told, "No, not too big. Don't think on those terms. You are unaware of how powerful you are." This brought immediate tears to my eyes.

The hubs moved some, bringing me back to my tear-soaked pillow. I made a note to remember this - to travel through the cosmos (galaxy) to get to my beach. I got out of bed, to get something to drink, and as I was walking toward the bedroom door, I clearly heard "Council of Transmission."

Is this the name of this council? I came to the computer to look up the exact definition of transmission, and wrote down the synonyms: transfer, passage, passing, conveyance. I am excited to learn what all this means and to visit my place again.

As I sat down to type this, my right ear started a loud ringing. I also envisioned a beautiful, purple, fairy playground as well. I will try visiting this place soon too!

The Act of Coming Out

2009-07-31T23:24:00.005-05:00

I've always held a strong compassion for anyone who is gay. I've fully understood their feelings of coming out, fear of reactions from loved ones and friends, and the fight for the right to be who they are. I attributed this to having gay family members, one of which I am extremely close to. I thought that was why I was able to empathize with their feelings and understand where they are coming from in their fears.

However, I now know those are not the reasons. Finally coming into myself and who I truly am, has brought me to the realization that I, too, must 'come out' at some point and will go through much of the same criticism as those from the gay community.

I didn't wake up one day and say, "I'm going to be psychic and communicate with dead people." Just like they didn't wake up one day and say, "I think I'm going to be gay."

I'm not going to walk up to people I meet and say, "Hi, I'm V. Nice to meet you. By the way, I'm psychic."

While I've touched on the subject here and there with various friends and family members, I've yet to fully divulge the extent of it all. To me, this is a delicate process that doesn't need to be announced to the world all at once. This is information, about myself, that shall be shared with the right people, at the right times. It's not something I need to open up about to everyone. I'm sure the vast majority of the "normal" world doesn't give up their deep secrets just for the hell of it. And, for the record, I think my 'community of psi folk' are "normal," and everyone else is off. =)

But, as it is with anything else, one day, we WILL be the norm and it will be OK to talk about spirits, psychics, mediums, witches, fairies, orbs, astral travel, goddesses, angels, ETs - you name it! - without getting that weird look and reaction from those who consider themselves "normal."

So, here's to all of my psychic buddies, who cherish all that is abnormal to the masses, and keep on keeping on, being themselves, in all of their psychic glory!

Goddess Bless!

Spirit Guide Reading

2009-07-31T22:33:00.005-05:00

I received this amazing reading from an amazing friend named Sue! ~~~~~~

Ok, wow, this is cool. I was leaning back in my chair, trying to connect, and I ask the universe, 'Who is Virginia's Spirit Guide? The FIRST imagery I received was a ROULETTE WHEEL spinning around up in space.....with me at the center of it. NUMEROLOGY was my first thought after seeing this because I saw the red/black squares with the white numbers on them.......spinning around and around me........Very cool when I realized oh YES the numerology is Virginia's study! SO, you Guide is definitely helping you with your study of numerology. (NO I didn't take this first image to connotate you running off to the casino for the weekend! Just had to throw that one in there.....LOL.)

Definitely a scientific mind - a male. Old energy. He corrected me to say 'Ancient energy.' I am hearing this as a 'consortium of brilliant minds.' I'm already telling him he might 'lose me' so he'll have to slow down because I'm not that quick with scientific concepts. SO, I am hearing that you, my dear, are a part of this whole Spirit Soul Group of scientifically advanced souls, those who are using science to advance humanity in positive ways.

Your purpose as a part of this soul group in this lifetime is 'communication.' They are 'in Spirit' and have those who chose to incarnate on the Earth during this time to communicate with them and use the knowledge imparted by them, to improve circumstances on the Earth plane.

I'm talking 'big' energy here - Einstein is the first imagery that appeared in relation to this soulgroup. Also William James. Ooohhhhh - After William James I heard 'Barack Obama.' Now, isn't THAT curious? You are in Illinois, right? Curiouser, and curiouser. Oprah WInfrey is in Illinois, too..........I am being presented with these names, and their relation to Illinois in the country of the USA on the earth, during this time, this collage of images and faces and entities........Abraham Lincoln, too...........SO I am seeing this 'group' as being very very large, and very very influential in the direction of both this country and the planet as a whole.

So, when you feel 'less than' I am being instructed to inform you that you are a 'piece of this huge puzzle' of Spirit who is working without end to better the energies and improve the outcome for all humanity. (Cool, girlfriend!)I don't know if 'Einstein' has a connection to Illinois, but I'm certain he visited there......I'm just seeing imagery of 'light' coming from this centralized location in the US - and how this Light is like one of those spotlights that sweep the night sky but a million times brighter. Pushing back the darkness, they say.

I hear Jonas Salk and I feel he is presenting to say he is helping those in search of a vaccine for the Swine Flu. Interesting, I just saw Bill Clinton as a member of this soul group too. AHHHHH - Hilary Clinton is from Illinois!!!!! My goodness girl. The connectivity of all of this is giving me goosebumps. It is difficult to get them to come down to a personal level for you to be very honest. They are so united in their work for the 'whole' that they aren't into the minute stuff of an individual soul's life plan. I'd say that they provided you with the 'tool' of numerology to aid in your understanding of the connectivity of the ALL. Mathematicians and scientists - those energies, are very important - to aid in the understanding of the Universe. Numerology teaches about this - how Spirit/Science are really ONE. Science is another expression of Spirit - and those with that type of 'brilliant' mind can see that connection if they can make the leap between the left/right brain connundrum. Whew - fast thinkers here!

So, I asked for a name for your Spirit Guide. They said - just use the 'code word' Albert. As is the usual case lately - the Guides are telling me to look for the meaning behind each individual letter of this 'codeword.' Off the top of my 'intuition' I 'see'
ALL
LOVE
BEYOND
EARTH
REVERBERATES
TIMELESSLY

Ummmmmm -= WOW ................Ummmmmmm My GOODNESS! I am stepping away because this is a huge reading and I am letting this much sink in for you, and for me, and for the ALL. blessingssuePS - They left me with imagery of Mark Twain (Samuel Clemons) and the riverboats on the Mississippi - the 'border' between Missouri (me) and Illinois (you) and a neat 'tie-in' to the roulette wheel imagery (ie gambling riverboats.) So........Mark Twain is a part of this awesome group, too - and he didn't want me to forget his amazing and eloquent energy! VERY COOL.

Of course, the river in relation to this reading cannot be ignored. Water is a huge Spiritual messenger, and I am seeing this river flowing swiftly and surely and cleanly and confidently in this image. Very good image of CHANGE and GROWTH and LOVE and PEACE and HEALTH for ALL. And, again, in the 'border' imagery, saying that Spirit/water and Science/ Roulette wheel of numbers are intertwined here........the 'tool' of the numbers AFLOAT on the river of water/Spirit in the Riverboat which brings the two together - wow, wow, wow. Thanks, Mr. Clemons for that wonderful imagery!

Life Contracts

2009-06-06T22:56:00.004-05:00

Have you ever been in 'that' moment when you stop and think (or actually SAY), "I DID NOT sign up for this!"?

I was thinking that exact thing for a moment today, when I realized, that thought couldn't be more untrue! We, in fact, DID sign up for this - this lifetime and all that in entails, good and bad. I seem to struggle with keeping the momentum of positivity when life itself gets overwhelming.

I find it very difficult to be invested 100% in something when the other people involved are only invested a portion of that. It's difficult when a large amount of responsibility lies solely on one person. Which leads me to the dynamic of men/women relationships.

'Back in the day,' women stayed home and did all of the household duties while catering to their working husbands. Why is it that this theme seems to continue, in this day and age, while the women ALSO hold jobs of their own? Career, family, cleaning, bills, grocery shopping, and the list goes on. I find that quite a load for one person. But, as sexist as this sounds, I don't feel that the majority of men would be able to handle the responsibility of the above mentioned 'load'.

With a lot on my mind and a few recent experiences of carrying a large amount of the responsibility, I'm finding myself in a place I don't like being in. My 'happy place' awaits me. Hopefully it won't take me much longer to get back there.

White Rose

2009-05-05T19:38:00.003-05:00

I want to share a story. My grandmother, who I think was the greatest woman to ever live, passed away almost 9 years ago. Her death did a number on me, and I spent a lot of time in denial. Quite a few years, actually. She passed in November of 2000, and when her birthday came in March, I couldn't bring myself to go to the cemetary. I decided that, if I was unable to bring myself there beforehand, I would MAKE myself go on the anniversary of her death. I also decided that I would bring a single rose each time I went, as a little gift for her.

November 29, 2001, after work, I ran into Dominick's to grab a rose for her. I went into the little cooler thing they have the flowers in. They had all different colored roses, seperated into their own buckets, with a 'name' given to each color. Up until this point, I was unaware of this naming thing. I was glancing at all the 'names' of the roses when my eyes fell upon the name of the white rose. My heart jumped into my throat and my eyes welled up with tears.

The name of the white rose? Virginia. My grandmother's name. Our name. That was what one of my friends would call......an Angel moment. :-)

Mystic Angel

2009-05-04T00:38:00.002-05:00

I just picked up a copy of Doreen Virtue's, Realm of the Earth Angels. I have her previous book, Earth Angels, which I loved. However, I felt like I connected with more than one of the groups in her book. I, obviously, connected with one more than the other, but still felt a STRONG connection to both. So, like many other I'm sure, I was a little confused. And then....I find this book!!! Realm of the Earth Angels elaborates a bit more on characteristics of Earth Angels, and talks of hybrids of Wise Ones, which I believe I am.

When you look into the eyes of a Mystic Angel, you see compassion. The Mystic Angels are half Wise Ones and half Incarnated Angels. Mystic Angels share much of the same characteristics as Incarnated Angels, in that they're loving, helpful, and caring. Yet, since they've had several lifetimes on Earth (as Incarnated Angels), they're street-smart and edgy. They might cuss, abuse alcohol, or gamble (two out of three ain't bad...hehe).....yet they're still angels.
Mystic Angels appreciate rules because they abhor chaos. Like Incarnated Angels, they'll apologize. Yet they only say "I'm sorry" because it's a fast way to clear up conflict, and not because they feel guilty. Incarnated Angels have the corner on harboring guilt feelings among the realms.
Mystic Angels have the hard-won wisdom that comes from many lifetimes of helping in the trenches of wars and conflict. Even though they've seen it all, Mystic Angels still retain faith in the goodness of humanity.
Mystic Angels aren't timid in front of audiences compared to Incarnated Angels. With their Wise One heritage, Mystic Angels make wonderful teachers, speakers, and workshop presenters. They love to teach about healing techniques and offer tips for happy living.
Mystic Angels aren't afraid to acknowledge the shadow side of life. They clearly see the ego issues behind human dramas. The focus and language of a Mystic Angel is a bit darker and earthier than that of an Incarnated Angel (which is a realm that doesn't like to look at or acknowledge problems or shadows).
One Mystic Angel described her realm's characteristics in this way: "We like to use both Angel Oracle Cards and also Tarot cards. We're healers who are know-it-alls. Because we've been killed in previous lifetimes, we're often afraid to come out of the spiritual closet. But when we do, we fly high and fast in putting our purpose into action."

LIFE-PATH WORK FOR WISE ONES
As a Wise One, you're a natural-born leader who's respected because of your charisma, your air of confidence, the way that you carry yourself, and your personal power. People naturally respect and admire you; they're even intimidated by you. So, they feel comfortable following your lead.
Due to your many lifetimes of spiritual learning and teaching, you'd probably enjoy a career as a spiritual teacher, astrologer, psychic, spiritual healer, channeler, or oracle-card reader.

I really connect with a lot of what is written here and the life-path work is right up my alley! I would enjoy any one of those careers. I found a great Bible quote in this book as well as some very inspiration words that spoke to me. Plus, the I love the words "Mystic Angel." I've never heard anything so fitting in my life.

Life

2009-04-30T14:57:00.005-05:00

What is the meaning of life? I think it's safe to say no one has an exact answer for this. But, we all still ponder over this question nonetheless. Knowing that life has a meaning for each of us, a purpose causes me to wonder about certain things. For example.....those certain songs or movies that create extreme emotion from an unknown place. Why is there such a connection when they don't necessarily pertain to your life or anything you've experienced?

We are all here for a purpose, right? I'll answer myself, "Yes, that's right." I am currently searching for my purpose. No, I'm waiting for my purpose to be shown to me. I know many different avenues have been placed before me, but I have to wonder.....how many of these avenues must I travel on, only to find out, this isn't the path?

I'm not the best with patience and I do like instant gratification. Perhaps that's my lesson here. To learn patience and know that, just because it's not instant, doesn't mean there won't be gratification. I notice myself surrounded now by many that have found their paths. I envy them for knowing who they are and what they are to do in this lifetime. I understand my answers will come. I just need to keep my requests and gratitudes going on a steady basis.

Wow! Did it just hit me?? I paused from typing to take a bite of soup and?........
This whole time I've been feeling as though I should be in school, studying something. Yet, I'm not, so I shamefully admit that I spend a lot of time on the internet (FB, Pogo, etc.). Yet, I look around me and I have multiple books that I haven't even touched yet! The classroom is sitting right here in front of my face!!! If I was in school, I would spend less time on the internet, because I would be studying or doing homework. DUH! Spend less time on the internet NOW, because I have plenty to learn at my fingertips as I speak!

And one reason for starting this blog has just surfaced.

I Am Me

2009-04-27T23:16:00.002-05:00

What does that mean? I'm figuring it all out. But, I do know that I am going to be me, regardless of what others think about it. If I was meant to live my life for others, I wouldn't be where I am now.

Will everyone agree with my life choices and decisions? Probably not.

Will I meet opposition? Absolutely.

Will it stop me or hold me down? NO!!

I am moving into a different place in my life. It's been a long time coming, and I am happy and thankful that I've finally allowed it to happen. The negativity that was such an abundant part of my life, is no longer. I won't allow it. Of course we all have our bad days, but for it to consume my life the way it used to just isn't an option. Not everyone will understand, agree, or even be supportive. And? I am OK with that. Those who are important and matter will love me and accept me, no matter what.

Life has a plan for us all. A plan that we laid out for ourselves, before we were even born. My plan is starting to come to fruition. What exactly does that mean for me? That answer, I don't exactly know, but I do know this.........There will always be room on my magic carpet or a place on the back of my broom for anyone who wants to enjoy this wonderful ride with me!

I'm 'A' Sensitive, and I'd Like to Stay That Way

2009-04-27T23:03:00.005-05:00

I've had this title in my head for days now, searching for the right place to put it. And? I found it!! For any Jewel fans, this is a play on her song I'm Sensitive. It's one of my favorite songs by her, and quite fitting for how I've been feeling lately. I AM a sensitive, and I DO want to stay that way. Of course, I know that isn't going to change, but I don't want to deal with the harsh skepticism from others that aren't as accepting of the gifts I've been given. Day by day I realize more and more. New doors are opened, new opportunities are realized. And, most recently, new abilities are presented. Medium. Who'd a thunk it? I'm going to sit down one of these days and actually write out all of the different ways my gift has manifested. It's a very wonderful, powerful thing and each day I'm learning more on how to handle it. Right now, my main concern is being a sensitive and not letting anyone ruin my spirit.