Sedona ... You Always Come Through

When I was presented with an opportunity to visit Sedona after having just been there 6 months ago, I couldn't pass it up.  I took the opportunity as a sign from the Universe in accepting and allowing. 

My first experience with Sedona was very deep and meaningful.  Around the time that I went, I was involved in a business venture that was becoming too heavy and twisted for me.  In my gut I knew it was time to walk away, but I struggled with that knowing because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  The magic of Sedona allowed for a natural and easy departure from that venture.  This time around was no different...

A big difference this time around was the company I was with.  In my first visit to Sedona, it definitely helped to be with a healer who has similar ethics to my own.  In my healing work, I feel it is very important to allow the person experiencing healing and transformation the necessary space to do so.  It's important to accept everyone for where they are at on their journey and not try to project my experiences, feeling, or expectations onto them.  As a healer, I must always remain neutral and not pass judgment, even if I don't agree with the other person is saying or doing.   

I also realized something while writing this blog - that I am still in the energy of not wanting to hurt anyone else's feelings.  I truly live by the number one ethic of "Do no harm," but that shouldn't be at the detriment of myself.  There IS a way to speak my truth, without any intention of hurting someone else.  I don't have to get involved in a mud-slinging contest (and I won't). 

You see, Sedona has this amazing ability to provide space for growth, transition, healing and release (a LOT of release through tears).  I find it no coincidence that both times I visited this year were during a full moon AND eclipse!  (I don't believe in coincidence anyway)  I learned many lessons during this second trip and I'm extremely grateful for every one of them. 

I learned that I'm stronger than I ever realized. 
I've always thought of  myself as a strong person, but the strength I found came on a whole new level.  This strength was energetic, physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional.  I truly feel that I can do anything now, without fear.  I removed myself from a situation that was unhealthy for me, even though the circumstances weren't ideal.  You see, it was 11:30 at night in Roswell, NM (5 states away from my home state of Illinois), when I made this decision.  This meant me finding a hotel room, finding a rental car, and driving myself home over the next 2 days.  In the past I may have crumbled, unsure of how to proceed.  However, this time around, I was confident and strong in knowing that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to (and I was beyond delighted when everything magically fell into place). 

I learned to fully honor myself. 
Again, honoring myself is something I thought I was good at doing.  And again, the Universe magically continues to present me with opportunities to see where I am lacking in this department.  When something isn't feeling right, I start to distance myself while trying to figure out the best exit strategy that doesn't hurt other people's feelings.  What I forget in that process is that I'm hurting myself while sticking around, trying to 'figure it all out'.  Again, the first rule in healing is "Do no harm" and that should always include "to yourself" as well.  Could I have continued on the originally planned journey home?  Sure.  But, a close friend very accurately described the situation as "soul sucking" and even looking back, it feels heavy to have stayed on course.  My soul and energy feels much freer having made the decision to honor what I knew to be right.   

Courage, Confidence, Trust, Faith. 
Shortly before leaving for this trip, I had a very deep and life-changing past-life regression.  During this regression, I had angels impressing the above four words into every part of my being, as if to deeply instill these virtues into me.  It was during my drive home that I realized how much these words came into play in my life.  I had the courage to walk away from a situation that wasn't serving my highest purpose.  I had the confidence to know that I could do anything by myself.  I trusted that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to.  And I had the faith that I would be Divinely guided the entire way. 

I learned how much I've matured. 
Those that really know me, know that I have a temper.  A hot temper with a short fuse.  Not my proudest trait, but I own it.  For me, maturity is learning from past mistakes and that includes handling things in a better fashion (read: not letting my temper take over).  In the past, if I felt attacked, accused, or judged wrongly I would be quick to react from an angry place.  It was so refreshing to know that I can just as easily let things roll right off of my back.  Because, the truth of the matter is - I was attacked, accused, and judged wrongly (I have the text messages and voice recordings that show this - which is also a sign of maturity for me, because I didn't share them with the world), yet I didn't let it affect me because I know the truth about myself and the incorrect opinions of others hold no bearing in my life.  

I learned that I am much better at handling change. 
Change is usually a word that gives me immediate anxiety.  But, here I sit thinking about the word, typing it out, and it doesn't invoke a heavy, negative feeling within.  Who saw that coming?!?!  (I sure didn't!)  Sedona brought out a huge change, both outside of myself and deep within myself and I handled it all gracefully and with ease.  (Affirmations really do work people!  I've been using affirmations for months now to help me better deal with change.) 

I was reminded of who my true friends are. 
I can't say this was a lesson learned, because this was something that I already knew.  But, it was so touching to be reminded of who truly does love and care about me.  People get busy and schedules conflict, but at the end of the day I have some amazingly supportive souls in my life.  I know I've expressed it many times over the past few days, but I truly hope these people know how much I appreciate and love them!

I learned that old wounds CAN be healed. 
It's no secret that my mom and I have had a rocky relationship.  I've gone through a lot of transformation over the past two years, and one of the most valuable nuggets of insight I've received is that everyone does the best they can with the awareness that they have.  I've also learned that instead of harboring resentment toward my mom for not being who I felt she should be, I could thank her for loving me inadequately (HUGE thanks to KC Miller for that!).  Had she been MY idea of who she should be, I would not have experienced the necessary life lessons that I needed to become who I am today.    Because I had time to myself, I was able to have a very healing conversation with my mom regarding all of this. 

I learned it's OK to be vulnerable. 
This is a lesson that's been gnawing at me for some time now.  Expressing my emotions hasn't always been easy for me, especially if they are tender emotions.  In the past, I've felt that I had to be in a 'safe' environment to open up and be vulnerable - meaning that I had to trust the people around me to be gentle with my tender side.  And even when that gentleness wasn't shown, I still expressed my tender emotions without shame or fear.  I feel it's important to allow others the necessary space to work through and process their emotions.  It was time I provided myself the same privilege.  If someone else is uncomfortable with my tears (or any other tender emotion I display), that is their issue not mine.   

At the end of the day, loving and honoring myself are more important than not doing so.  I've visited Sedona twice and both times I've emerged a stronger, more loving, more confident, and happier version of myself.  I've also been able to easily release what isn't serving my highest purpose.  Thank you Sedona, for not disappointing. 

Past Life Regression

Have you ever had a Past Life Regression (PLR)? Amazing stuff! I had one a month or so ago and am STILL trying to process it all. My amazing friend, Shannon, did the session over the phone and taped it so I could listen back at my convenience. Honestly? I haven't listened to it yet. I am just not ready, I guess. I remember most of the details from it, but I think actually listening to it is still a bit deeper than I'm willing to dive just yet. (Ha! I just got my own 'dive' joke. You'll understand as you read on...) :) As a dear friend of mine would say... "grab a pillow for your butt."

I've never had a PLR before this one, so I wasn't sure what to expect and had a little anxiety about it. Shannon picked up on this, and chatted with me a bit prior to help ease the anxiety. She explained to me what regression and hypnosis was like. I learned that it wasn't much different than a guided meditation, except that I would go deeper under. Simple enough, right?
~On a side note (there may be many "side notes" to this one...), I used to always think about how I didn't think I could quiet my mind enough to meditate. And now, I realize how easily I go into a meditative state. I love learning and realizing things like this. ~

Shannon guided me through a series of steps (ha..another joke!), literally - I walked down a stairway in the beginning of the session. I know, I know... get on with it. Shannon explained to me that I could experience the regression one of two ways, in body or as an onlooker, and that my soul would know which would be better for me. Once I was "there," she asked me to look down at my shoes and then see what I was wearing.

Here's how it went for me (remember this is from memory alone):
I looked down and saw a pair of black shoes on my feet. I was in a long, black dress, with a long white apron. I looked around and saw many other women dressed this way, except they were all wearing bonnet-looking hats. The men were dressed in black suits with black hats, but I only saw a few of them. The women were abundant and every woman that I saw was out sweeping their porches. All of the houses were small, with an A-line roof (I think that's what they would be called). When I surveyed the land, there was a lot of greenery, hills, trees, etc. and I was definitely on the East Coast. Actually, when Shannon asked what part of the world I was in, I responded with, "America," and went on to more specifically say, "Salem." (I do have to note that I wasn't wearing one of those bonnet-looking hats, like the rest of the women.)

No one there seemed to really take notice of me. No one waving or smiling as I walked past. It almost felt like I was in a dream, spying on another world. This was early on in the regression, and I could tell I was under, but wasn't "deep." I said that it felt like the 1800's. But, also felt a question with it, like I wasn't fully sure. I was a female, in my early 20's and my name began with an 'S', but I wasn't sure of my name. I was also unmarried, with no children, and a housemaid, which apparently I wasn't too fond of. It was boring and tedious to me.
~Side note time: Now, thinking back, I have to wonder if my name was 'Charlotte'. I wonder this because in my entire life, I've only had ONE invisible friend. I was under the age of 4 when she was around and her name, of course was Charlotte. For such a young age, I have vivid memories of a day with her and my grandparents and her name has never left me. Kind of makes you wonder.~

I went forward in time some, and at this point starting feeling myself go deeper. There was another girl that was with me at this point, Sarah, who I immediately identified as my cousin Michele, this time around. I was in a horrifying experience, as I watched Sarah get dragged away from me by some men. It was clear to me now that they thought we were witches. I KNEW that we weren't, but this is what "they" thought. We were different than "them" which didn't sit well. I watched, in hiding, as they tied Sarah up to a tree, or something wooden. I knew fire would be coming soon, so I turned and ran.

I went forward more (and deeper), and said the year was '92. Then, repeated the "18," to say 1892. I was still on the run. All I could see was trees whizzing past me as I ran, panting, trying to stay ahead of the 'men' that were on the hunt for me. I stopped, and was hiding on the side of a building, when I heard the men's voices. I knew I was seconds from being found. Shannon tried to get me to go forward more, but I was frozen. I could see nothing but blackness. She then asked me to step out of the body to experience the rest as an onlooker.
~Side note: As I was experiencing the 'running', I immediately thought to myself, "Oh my gosh. My dreams!" I have had recurring dreams/nightmares of me running from someone/something. I never really knew who or what I was running from. But, I was often running and hiding, and I would be on the side of a building or some structure, with a sense of whoever was chasing me being right around the corner. I ALWAYS woke up right before I was found or caught. Since the regression, I've had only one dream, where I was running from someone. Right away I recognized this, and in my dream state, said, "No, no, no. This can't be happening again." I woke up and the dream never continued. ~

I watched, as the men grabbed the girl and dragged her alongside of their horses, as they galloped along. They were at the seashore. The men tied something heavy to the girl and flung her into the water. It almost felt as though she ran, so this was her "punishment."

Now, some things that stood out to me... Shannon asked me how I felt about water. I have always had a fear of drowning. Always. I know how to swim and am actually quite fond of water. I feel very comfortable and at 'home' when in water, especially lakes or running bodies of water. However, I take active measures (floaty devices, etc.) when I'm in water that is over my head or I can't see the bottom. I get anxious if I'm forced to enter water without a floatation device to have hold of.

Also, prior to bringing me out of the regression, Shannon asked what unfinished business I had (or something to that effect). My answer - I never grew up, never got married, and never had children. This stood out to Shannon, as having children is a current issue I'm dealing with. She said there may be a connection there that I should look further into. I'm still working on that one.

Another thing Michele pointed out to me is that I answered, "America" when asked where I was on the world. If asked that today, the answer would be, "The U.S." Back in those times, there was no United States - only the new world known as 'America'. I'm glad she noticed that, because I didn't!

Of course my curious mind had to get right to work after the PLR, so I jumped online and googled some stuff. I found out that a lot of the 'burnings' of witches happened in 1692. I let out a nice, "Holy shit!" when I saw that. Now, I never felt fully sure about the '1800s', but I felt 100% confident when I said '92. It rolled off of my tongue, without question. I also looked up images of this time and everything looked exactly as I had just seen it myself.

My mind is very analytical, and I spent days going over all of this in my head. Did I make this all up? Did I spend an hour or so in "the land of make-believe?" I told myself I had seen pictures of tv shows on these times, so I knew how the homes looked and how the people dressed. I did and said many things to talk myself out of the experience I just had. But, then I was forced to look at the specifics I didn't know or couldn't have possibly known. The year, the running away from the men (showing me where my recurring dreams stemmed from), watching the drowning, saying I was in "America" ... so many things. I finally forced myself to stop analyzing and trying to explain off the whole regression.

The truth of the matter is - I went back into a past lifetime of mine and healed some very old wounds.