Sedona ... You Always Come Through

When I was presented with an opportunity to visit Sedona after having just been there 6 months ago, I couldn't pass it up.  I took the opportunity as a sign from the Universe in accepting and allowing. 

My first experience with Sedona was very deep and meaningful.  Around the time that I went, I was involved in a business venture that was becoming too heavy and twisted for me.  In my gut I knew it was time to walk away, but I struggled with that knowing because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  The magic of Sedona allowed for a natural and easy departure from that venture.  This time around was no different...

A big difference this time around was the company I was with.  In my first visit to Sedona, it definitely helped to be with a healer who has similar ethics to my own.  In my healing work, I feel it is very important to allow the person experiencing healing and transformation the necessary space to do so.  It's important to accept everyone for where they are at on their journey and not try to project my experiences, feeling, or expectations onto them.  As a healer, I must always remain neutral and not pass judgment, even if I don't agree with the other person is saying or doing.   

I also realized something while writing this blog - that I am still in the energy of not wanting to hurt anyone else's feelings.  I truly live by the number one ethic of "Do no harm," but that shouldn't be at the detriment of myself.  There IS a way to speak my truth, without any intention of hurting someone else.  I don't have to get involved in a mud-slinging contest (and I won't). 

You see, Sedona has this amazing ability to provide space for growth, transition, healing and release (a LOT of release through tears).  I find it no coincidence that both times I visited this year were during a full moon AND eclipse!  (I don't believe in coincidence anyway)  I learned many lessons during this second trip and I'm extremely grateful for every one of them. 

I learned that I'm stronger than I ever realized. 
I've always thought of  myself as a strong person, but the strength I found came on a whole new level.  This strength was energetic, physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional.  I truly feel that I can do anything now, without fear.  I removed myself from a situation that was unhealthy for me, even though the circumstances weren't ideal.  You see, it was 11:30 at night in Roswell, NM (5 states away from my home state of Illinois), when I made this decision.  This meant me finding a hotel room, finding a rental car, and driving myself home over the next 2 days.  In the past I may have crumbled, unsure of how to proceed.  However, this time around, I was confident and strong in knowing that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to (and I was beyond delighted when everything magically fell into place). 

I learned to fully honor myself. 
Again, honoring myself is something I thought I was good at doing.  And again, the Universe magically continues to present me with opportunities to see where I am lacking in this department.  When something isn't feeling right, I start to distance myself while trying to figure out the best exit strategy that doesn't hurt other people's feelings.  What I forget in that process is that I'm hurting myself while sticking around, trying to 'figure it all out'.  Again, the first rule in healing is "Do no harm" and that should always include "to yourself" as well.  Could I have continued on the originally planned journey home?  Sure.  But, a close friend very accurately described the situation as "soul sucking" and even looking back, it feels heavy to have stayed on course.  My soul and energy feels much freer having made the decision to honor what I knew to be right.   

Courage, Confidence, Trust, Faith. 
Shortly before leaving for this trip, I had a very deep and life-changing past-life regression.  During this regression, I had angels impressing the above four words into every part of my being, as if to deeply instill these virtues into me.  It was during my drive home that I realized how much these words came into play in my life.  I had the courage to walk away from a situation that wasn't serving my highest purpose.  I had the confidence to know that I could do anything by myself.  I trusted that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to.  And I had the faith that I would be Divinely guided the entire way. 

I learned how much I've matured. 
Those that really know me, know that I have a temper.  A hot temper with a short fuse.  Not my proudest trait, but I own it.  For me, maturity is learning from past mistakes and that includes handling things in a better fashion (read: not letting my temper take over).  In the past, if I felt attacked, accused, or judged wrongly I would be quick to react from an angry place.  It was so refreshing to know that I can just as easily let things roll right off of my back.  Because, the truth of the matter is - I was attacked, accused, and judged wrongly (I have the text messages and voice recordings that show this - which is also a sign of maturity for me, because I didn't share them with the world), yet I didn't let it affect me because I know the truth about myself and the incorrect opinions of others hold no bearing in my life.  

I learned that I am much better at handling change. 
Change is usually a word that gives me immediate anxiety.  But, here I sit thinking about the word, typing it out, and it doesn't invoke a heavy, negative feeling within.  Who saw that coming?!?!  (I sure didn't!)  Sedona brought out a huge change, both outside of myself and deep within myself and I handled it all gracefully and with ease.  (Affirmations really do work people!  I've been using affirmations for months now to help me better deal with change.) 

I was reminded of who my true friends are. 
I can't say this was a lesson learned, because this was something that I already knew.  But, it was so touching to be reminded of who truly does love and care about me.  People get busy and schedules conflict, but at the end of the day I have some amazingly supportive souls in my life.  I know I've expressed it many times over the past few days, but I truly hope these people know how much I appreciate and love them!

I learned that old wounds CAN be healed. 
It's no secret that my mom and I have had a rocky relationship.  I've gone through a lot of transformation over the past two years, and one of the most valuable nuggets of insight I've received is that everyone does the best they can with the awareness that they have.  I've also learned that instead of harboring resentment toward my mom for not being who I felt she should be, I could thank her for loving me inadequately (HUGE thanks to KC Miller for that!).  Had she been MY idea of who she should be, I would not have experienced the necessary life lessons that I needed to become who I am today.    Because I had time to myself, I was able to have a very healing conversation with my mom regarding all of this. 

I learned it's OK to be vulnerable. 
This is a lesson that's been gnawing at me for some time now.  Expressing my emotions hasn't always been easy for me, especially if they are tender emotions.  In the past, I've felt that I had to be in a 'safe' environment to open up and be vulnerable - meaning that I had to trust the people around me to be gentle with my tender side.  And even when that gentleness wasn't shown, I still expressed my tender emotions without shame or fear.  I feel it's important to allow others the necessary space to work through and process their emotions.  It was time I provided myself the same privilege.  If someone else is uncomfortable with my tears (or any other tender emotion I display), that is their issue not mine.   

At the end of the day, loving and honoring myself are more important than not doing so.  I've visited Sedona twice and both times I've emerged a stronger, more loving, more confident, and happier version of myself.  I've also been able to easily release what isn't serving my highest purpose.  Thank you Sedona, for not disappointing. 

Growing Pains

We all experience pain as we grow.  As children, this pain shows up as physical pain, usually in our limbs.  But, what about the growing pains we experience as adults?  The less talked about emotional pains? 

For me, this shows up as an energetic slap-in-the-face by those I thought I was close to (friends, family), who are flat out unsupportive of my growth.  (Please don't mistake that as me wanting recognition or my ego stroked, because that is soooo not my style)  I'm sure many people can empathize with me on this.  Think about the times when you've had something exciting happen for, or to, you.  You, naturally, want to share that news with family and friends.  I mean, you do need someone to share in the excitement with, right?!  And how did it feel when one of those friends or family members didn't exactly share in the excitement the way you'd hoped?  Not too good, right?  

I'll share a story ... 

When Shannon and I were doing our radio show, we naturally shared the link to the show each week on Facebook and Twitter.  We got the word out ourselves, and it was nice when some of our friends and family shared the links for the show on their pages as well.  It wasn't so nice when friends and family consistently shared links for other friends' radio shows, but not ours ... ever.  Again, it's not that either one of us "needed" anyone to help us get the word out (we both have pretty big mouths), but we both had to take a step back and acknowledge the hurt feelings we experienced, brought on by the fact that people we thought were our "friends" took time to share and brag about other people they knew airing radio shows, but never us.  Thank goodness we are both fairly self-aware so that we were able to quickly recognize that the anger we (or maybe just me) initially felt about this was really hurt feelings in realizing that maybe someone wasn't as good of a friend as we thought.  

Fast forward to now and I have exciting and fun news to share, so I naturally shared on my Facebook page.  I mean, it is pretty exciting when you have an article published in an international publication, especially since I never really expected it to happen when I submitted the article.  It's even more exciting when my school features me in their blog, because of this!  But, it is also hurtful when the same friends and family members who blatantly didn't support me in other endeavors, continue in their unsupportiveness.  Did I expect anything different?  No, not necessarily.  I know that when I expect things of people, I open the doors for disappointment, so I like to leave that expectation at the door.  But, it is still nice to know that your friends and family have your back and are happy for you/proud of you/cheering you on.  

So, what do you do when you feel this lack of support, whether energetically, physically, or emotionally?  You put your big girl pants on and get over it!  Acknowledge the hurt feelings and then move on.  I was warned a few years ago about the reaction (or lack thereof), I would receive from others when I started to grow.  I was told that I have people around me that would simply not be happy for me and to not take it personally.  Thank goodness for that nice tidbit, because it helped me realize some very important things.  My growth and the lack of support coming from certain friends and family members actually has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.  If someone isn't happy for you, it is up to them to figure out why they are happy for you.  It's up to you to keep on keeping on and stay in your happy place, where you do your best work. 

It is unfortunate and disheartening to find out that people aren't there for you (typically this happens when you are down and out, and also happens on the flip side), but how else would you know that perhaps you are no longer in alignment with certain people in your life?  It's times like these that you truly find out who is there for you and who isn't; Who really supports your success or sympathizes with your demise. 

And these are the growing pains of our lives.