Sedona ... You Always Come Through

When I was presented with an opportunity to visit Sedona after having just been there 6 months ago, I couldn't pass it up.  I took the opportunity as a sign from the Universe in accepting and allowing. 

My first experience with Sedona was very deep and meaningful.  Around the time that I went, I was involved in a business venture that was becoming too heavy and twisted for me.  In my gut I knew it was time to walk away, but I struggled with that knowing because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  The magic of Sedona allowed for a natural and easy departure from that venture.  This time around was no different...

A big difference this time around was the company I was with.  In my first visit to Sedona, it definitely helped to be with a healer who has similar ethics to my own.  In my healing work, I feel it is very important to allow the person experiencing healing and transformation the necessary space to do so.  It's important to accept everyone for where they are at on their journey and not try to project my experiences, feeling, or expectations onto them.  As a healer, I must always remain neutral and not pass judgment, even if I don't agree with the other person is saying or doing.   

I also realized something while writing this blog - that I am still in the energy of not wanting to hurt anyone else's feelings.  I truly live by the number one ethic of "Do no harm," but that shouldn't be at the detriment of myself.  There IS a way to speak my truth, without any intention of hurting someone else.  I don't have to get involved in a mud-slinging contest (and I won't). 

You see, Sedona has this amazing ability to provide space for growth, transition, healing and release (a LOT of release through tears).  I find it no coincidence that both times I visited this year were during a full moon AND eclipse!  (I don't believe in coincidence anyway)  I learned many lessons during this second trip and I'm extremely grateful for every one of them. 

I learned that I'm stronger than I ever realized. 
I've always thought of  myself as a strong person, but the strength I found came on a whole new level.  This strength was energetic, physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional.  I truly feel that I can do anything now, without fear.  I removed myself from a situation that was unhealthy for me, even though the circumstances weren't ideal.  You see, it was 11:30 at night in Roswell, NM (5 states away from my home state of Illinois), when I made this decision.  This meant me finding a hotel room, finding a rental car, and driving myself home over the next 2 days.  In the past I may have crumbled, unsure of how to proceed.  However, this time around, I was confident and strong in knowing that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to (and I was beyond delighted when everything magically fell into place). 

I learned to fully honor myself. 
Again, honoring myself is something I thought I was good at doing.  And again, the Universe magically continues to present me with opportunities to see where I am lacking in this department.  When something isn't feeling right, I start to distance myself while trying to figure out the best exit strategy that doesn't hurt other people's feelings.  What I forget in that process is that I'm hurting myself while sticking around, trying to 'figure it all out'.  Again, the first rule in healing is "Do no harm" and that should always include "to yourself" as well.  Could I have continued on the originally planned journey home?  Sure.  But, a close friend very accurately described the situation as "soul sucking" and even looking back, it feels heavy to have stayed on course.  My soul and energy feels much freer having made the decision to honor what I knew to be right.   

Courage, Confidence, Trust, Faith. 
Shortly before leaving for this trip, I had a very deep and life-changing past-life regression.  During this regression, I had angels impressing the above four words into every part of my being, as if to deeply instill these virtues into me.  It was during my drive home that I realized how much these words came into play in my life.  I had the courage to walk away from a situation that wasn't serving my highest purpose.  I had the confidence to know that I could do anything by myself.  I trusted that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to.  And I had the faith that I would be Divinely guided the entire way. 

I learned how much I've matured. 
Those that really know me, know that I have a temper.  A hot temper with a short fuse.  Not my proudest trait, but I own it.  For me, maturity is learning from past mistakes and that includes handling things in a better fashion (read: not letting my temper take over).  In the past, if I felt attacked, accused, or judged wrongly I would be quick to react from an angry place.  It was so refreshing to know that I can just as easily let things roll right off of my back.  Because, the truth of the matter is - I was attacked, accused, and judged wrongly (I have the text messages and voice recordings that show this - which is also a sign of maturity for me, because I didn't share them with the world), yet I didn't let it affect me because I know the truth about myself and the incorrect opinions of others hold no bearing in my life.  

I learned that I am much better at handling change. 
Change is usually a word that gives me immediate anxiety.  But, here I sit thinking about the word, typing it out, and it doesn't invoke a heavy, negative feeling within.  Who saw that coming?!?!  (I sure didn't!)  Sedona brought out a huge change, both outside of myself and deep within myself and I handled it all gracefully and with ease.  (Affirmations really do work people!  I've been using affirmations for months now to help me better deal with change.) 

I was reminded of who my true friends are. 
I can't say this was a lesson learned, because this was something that I already knew.  But, it was so touching to be reminded of who truly does love and care about me.  People get busy and schedules conflict, but at the end of the day I have some amazingly supportive souls in my life.  I know I've expressed it many times over the past few days, but I truly hope these people know how much I appreciate and love them!

I learned that old wounds CAN be healed. 
It's no secret that my mom and I have had a rocky relationship.  I've gone through a lot of transformation over the past two years, and one of the most valuable nuggets of insight I've received is that everyone does the best they can with the awareness that they have.  I've also learned that instead of harboring resentment toward my mom for not being who I felt she should be, I could thank her for loving me inadequately (HUGE thanks to KC Miller for that!).  Had she been MY idea of who she should be, I would not have experienced the necessary life lessons that I needed to become who I am today.    Because I had time to myself, I was able to have a very healing conversation with my mom regarding all of this. 

I learned it's OK to be vulnerable. 
This is a lesson that's been gnawing at me for some time now.  Expressing my emotions hasn't always been easy for me, especially if they are tender emotions.  In the past, I've felt that I had to be in a 'safe' environment to open up and be vulnerable - meaning that I had to trust the people around me to be gentle with my tender side.  And even when that gentleness wasn't shown, I still expressed my tender emotions without shame or fear.  I feel it's important to allow others the necessary space to work through and process their emotions.  It was time I provided myself the same privilege.  If someone else is uncomfortable with my tears (or any other tender emotion I display), that is their issue not mine.   

At the end of the day, loving and honoring myself are more important than not doing so.  I've visited Sedona twice and both times I've emerged a stronger, more loving, more confident, and happier version of myself.  I've also been able to easily release what isn't serving my highest purpose.  Thank you Sedona, for not disappointing. 

A Spiritual Journey

In May 2012, I took the first step of a journey that has since changed my life.  I enrolled in the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts.  At the time I enrolled, I got to choose a major and minor for the Associate Degree of Occupational Studies in Transformational Psychology.  (I think the set-up for the programs may have changed a little, but I'm not fully sure on that)  Out of the 4 choices - Hypnotherapy, Urban Farming, Spiritual Studies, Holistic Nutrition - I chose a major of Hypnotherapy and a minor of Spiritual Studies. 

I was so excited to get my class schedule and be in school again.  Yeah, I'm one of those odd people that actually like school.  My 4.0 GPA in an online program is a clear sign of that.  

First up on the list:
1. Prayer Therapy
2. Toe Reading - Reflexology Assessment I - Elemental
3. Hypnotherapy - Foundations Level I


Interesting.  I got to start Hypnotherapy right away (Yea!), Toe Reading sounded interesting, and Prayer Therapy ... well, what in the world is that anyway?! 

I definitely felt overwhelmed in those first few days.  Do I do a little in each class?  Do I complete one week's classwork and then move onto another class?  I found myself asking friends for advice on how to manage the work load.  Prayer Therapy was last on my priority list.  I mean, I still had no idea what it was and the other two classes sounded far more interesting anyway.  By first day of week 2, all of that changed. 

My instructor for this crazy Prayer Therapy class was a woman named Kathy.  There was something in the way she communicated with us, as a class.  She was so gentle, supporting, and caring.  She showed no judgment toward anyone's questions or uncertainties of religion and spirituality.  She truly honored and supported each of us on our different paths.  What stands out in my mind is a suggestion she made to me during class.  We were working with different forms of prayer and I practiced the use of mudras.  I had a very strong experience of energy in my hands with the mudras.  Kathy made the simple suggestion of me looking into learning energy healing work since my experience was so strong.  That moment is forever etched in my mind as I felt like she noticed something in me. 

It is a common flaw of mine to seek outside validation or recognition.  (Don't judge)  In that moment, I felt recognized and between Kathy's supportive demeanor and my connection to the once-crazy-class called Prayer Therapy, I noticed a subtle shift taking place.  (By the way, Prayer Therapy is just as it sounds - using different forms of prayer for therapeutic purposes)

By July, I had finished Prayer Therapy, Toe Reading, Hypnotherapy, and Public Speaking and had moved onto Comparative Religion, Life Coaching - Foundation, and Hypnotherapy Level II.  I had also realized the shift was not-so-subtle anymore and I needed to listen to the nudge my intuition was giving me.   I looked over the class lists (over and over again), and I felt much more drawn to the entire class list of Spiritual Studies than I did Hypnotherapy.  I needed to change my major and minor.  I had no idea what this change would hold for me and even half-way through the program I still found myself questioning what exactly I would do with a major in Spiritual Studies.  But underneath all of the questioning was that unwavering intuitive knowing that this change was right for me.  

Toward the end of the Spiritual Studies classes, I finally got it.  These classes were not so much for my "future" (although they DO play a huge role), but they were for my formation and evolution as a soul.  These classes helped shape who I am in this present moment.  They helped create an understanding and awareness of beliefs I've held and filled in missing pieces of my Spiritual and Religious puzzle.  (I use the term 'religious' loosely)  More than anything, these classes provided me the safety to speak my own truth and allowed me to find comfort in my beliefs not lining up with what I'd been taught growing up.  I felt validated in feeling that some of the things I was 'told' as a child didn't add up.  Most importantly, I felt strongly connected to a faith that fit my life.  And the best part of it all?  Kathy was a huge part of the Spiritual Studies classes and I got to share my journey and transformation with her, the one who sparked it all.  

Once the Spiritual Studies part of the program was over in July of 2013, the questions loomed - What now?  Do I seek ordination?  What would I do as an ordained minister anyway?  I was in the first group of students to take this as a major online, so the school didn't have anything in place just yet.  I received notification that a final class leading to ordination would begin in September, if I was interested.  I thought, Well...I've come this far.  Why stop now?  I had a few months to fulfill the requirements of volunteer time, writing a 1200-word minimum bio-sketch of my journey into ordination, and getting all of my application paperwork submitted.  Naturally, I used up ALL of the time I was given to get all of that done.  And we had a date - January 26, 2014 - an online ordination ceremony would take place for us.  The week of I received everything I needed - my sash, candle, a container of blessed water, and an envelope reading, "Do not open until after ceremony."  (Do they not know how hard it is to NOT open something that says "Do not open"?!)    


Before I knew it, the weekend was upon me and I found myself ceremoniously cleaning my house the day before.  I was quietly contemplating so many things, and taking every step with thought and care.  It gave me the similar feeling leading up to a wedding ceremony.  That time spent in quiet and excitement about what was to come, carefully doing every task leading up to the event ... very ritualistic and ceremonious.  Since the ceremony was taking place online, we were asked to have a sacred witness present.  Naturally, I asked my husband first, but he said he wasn't fully comfortable.  So, I asked a good friend of mine, who happily accepted.  However, the Universe had different plans in mind and gave us a nice 4-5 inches of snow, preventing my friend from making it to our home.  My husband now had to serve as my sacred witness.  We had no choice.  (I love that what is meant to happen always will!)  

Although it wouldn't be seen in the ceremony, I felt the urge to create an altar.  I placed a black cloth over a table, and draped a colorful scarf my husband got me down the middle.  I grabbed a silver candle from my bookshelf, placed it on a black candle holder, and poured sand from Myrtle Beach around it to create a grounding feeling.  I carefully set my candle, blessed water, envelope, sash, and some crystals on the altar.  It looked and felt beautiful. 

I went into my bedroom to get dressed and heard a loud crash.  I asked my husband if everything was all right, and he opened the bathroom door telling me that noise wasn't from him.  I quickly turned my attention to the living room, to see my altar gone.  My cat, Osiris, decided to check out the scenery and I'm not exactly sure what happened, but it didn't look good.  My husband and I were in a hurry to get everything back up and together when I realized that the cork had come off the little jar of blessed water and spilled all over the carpet.  Osiris must have figured the front room needed a blessing, because it sure got one!  I wanted to cry, but all I could do was laugh.  I felt like that was a sign that I was taking things a bit too seriously at the moment and I needed to lighten up a bit.  And luckily, there was a tiny bit of blessed water left in the jar for the ceremony.  (Whew!)  

The ceremony itself was beautiful.  I was happy to connect with people that have shared this journey with me.  This process is very involved and you can't help but get to know the people along the way.  One of the girls has become a dear friend to me, and has played a very instrumental role in my comfort throughout this process.  She has been a continuous source of encouragement, laughter, and tears and I love her like a member of my family.  She is the big sister I've always wanted and I'm so happy she's been placed in my life.  

So, what now?  Well, first let me introduce myself - I am Reverend Virginia Blank, an Interfaith Minister, and I am ready to walk my talk and share my light with the world.  My hope is to inspire others through Spiritual Guidance, Mentoring, and Coaching and to share the message of acceptance and comfort in blazing your own Spiritual trail of beliefs that fit into your life.  And so it is.                 

Hearing Your Intuition and Actually Listening To It

We are all guilty of hearing our intuition but not listening to what it's saying.  Think of those times when you've said,  
"Man, something inside me said to slow down, but I didn't and then I got pulled over."
... or ...
"I just knew going out tonight was a bad idea and then this huge fight broke out."

Or what about the times when you've felt the nudges or received the signs to make a change and you continuously ignored them?  This happened to me very recently.  I've been receiving signs and messages all relating to change - now is the time to make a change; watch where/how you spend your energy; letting go of something opens space for something else; and so on. 

While I was receiving all of these signs and messages, I was also slacking a bit with my radio show on BlogTalk, which I co-host with the fabulous Shannon, The Psychic Cowgirl.  I could tell my energy wasn't as invested as it had been in the past, as I was forgetting things here and there, and I would find myself being really amped and on top of things one month and then being thankful for Shannon handling things the next. 

It wasn't until Shannon let me know about a new opportunity for us to look into that the connection between releasing and the radio show came together.  And even then, I STILL said to myself, "No, there's no way that could mean the radio show.  All these messages about change and releasing something have GOT to be about something else.  I'll just ride this out ..." 

And then it happened.  An emotional breakdown unlike any other emotional breakdown, which actually had absolutely nothing to do with the radio show.  But, it was all part of the master plan. 

Shannon sent me a message Sunday morning asking if I was OK, because she had a dream about me.  I was fine and responded letting her know.  Within hours everything took a nosedive.  I messaged her back when I finally had strength and awareness, telling her I wasn't OK and letting her know what I was feeling and going through.  We messaged back and forth a bit and on Monday, she checked on me again.  I let her know I was still feeling a bit yucky and she jumped right in saying that she would find a guest host so I could take time for self-care.  (love her!) 

I listened in to the show that night and joined in the chat room.  I noticed how lively and energetic I felt being in the chat room, and so did Shannon.  And then, it happened again (that intuition giving nudges) ...

We both had to admit to ourselves and each other what we had been feeling and getting signs of.  Because it turns out, it wasn't just me getting these signs, it was Shannon too!!  When we started this venture a little over a year ago, we promised each other that if it either one of us felt that it wasn't fun anymore that we would let the other one know, and there would be no hard feelings.  Shannon and I have been friends for years now, but this radio show brought us a lot closer together and even though I had been feeling a bit heavy about the radio show, I didn't really feel that it was "not fun anymore" and didn't want to upset Shannon or stress her out with worrying about doing the show alone or finding a new co-host or anything really.  Funny, Shannon also didn't want to upset me in anyway, so we both went back on our promise, even though it was in an effort to not upset the other one. 

We talked and once we were honest with ourselves and each other, we know that this is the right thing to do at this time.  As much as I love giggling with Shannon on Monday nights, it is time for us to end this venture together. 

The best part about all of this is that we, as friends, talked and fully honored what the other had to say.  After talking, it was almost silly that we both were afraid to speak up about what we had been feeling.  Nothing has changed, except for the fact that we will no longer be doing the radio show together (that and she won't be giving me a weekly taunt about parallel lives).  I have a huge respect and adoration for Shannon and if she continues to do the show, I will fully support her and be a regular guest (and if I have my own show somewhere down the line, Shannon will fully support me and be a regular guest).  :) 

So, here's the lesson in all of this - honor, trust, and listen to your intuition and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings!  Amazing things happen when you follow through with your gut instincts and handle situations like respectful adults.  Things don't have to be messy, icky, and upsetting.  They can be simple, easy, and light.  It's all how you approach and handle the situation. 

Appreciation

Along this journey called "life," I've met some pretty amazing souls ... and some not so amazing. Fortunately, I've been able to learn something from them, whether they were amazing or not. I've learned what true love is thanks to my husband, and I've learned what unconditional love is thanks to my nephew. I've met some pretty amazing women who have helped me along my journey, pointing me in the right directions (even if I didn't listen right away), offering me undeniable advice (again, even if I didn't listen right away), and being an all-around fantastic support system for me.

I've been learning about patience, and the fact that I have very little of it in many situations. This is where I remind everyone of that "work in progress" that I like to refer to myself as. I've also been learning to set boundaries - something that I hadn't done in the past. It's amazing what happens when those boundaries get set. When I declared (to myself and the Universe) that I refused to take part in or enable certain behaviors of those close to me, all of a sudden the contact with those individuals lessened.

I've learned that I struggle with many personalities, especially those that are full of shit. Hypocrisy and lying are among my least favorite traits and I am determined to not allow time for those people in my life. In some cases this is great! But, in other cases, this pertains to souls that are close to me - family, close friends, etc. - and creates problems that aren't always easy to navigate. I'm sure these problems just mean more learning for me. I also know that life is all about balance, so in order to take in and appreciate the amazing souls I've encountered, I have to take in and appreciate the not-so-amazing ones.

So, here's me declaring my appreciation of all of the souls that have impacted my life, whether good or bad. Obviously I have more appreciation for the 'good impact souls', but again ... "work in progress." :)