You know those times when you're given a "sign," but don't notice it, so you're given another one, in a more dramatic fashion? That seems to happen to me a lot. For whatever reason, I seem to be aloof to my "signs" most times. Thank goodness for persistent Guides and Angels, who don't give up on me.
We spent Memorial Day weekend in Michigan, at my in-laws' gorgeous lake house. Saturday night, we built a fire and made s'mores and relaxed under the stars. Actually, my 5-year old nephew looked up at all of the stars in the sky and said, "Wow! Those are a lot of wishes up there." Adorable, right?
OK, OK I'll get onto the story. Upon walking into the house, I could have sworn I saw something move near my feet, so I quickly flipped on the light switch right by the door, only to find a cute little toad had hopped right into the house when I opened the door. Now, keep in mind that several people had been walking in and out of that same door all evening long, without a cute little toad hopping in their path. I stood there just staring at the little guy, with my husband and brother telling me to get into the house so they could shoo the toad back out. (I was blocking the half-open doorway...woopsy)
The next day, as we were sitting outside, I noticed the toad again, hanging around. Of course, I didn't really think twice about it, since they live on a lake and toad's are quite common. Not necessarily on your back step, but common nonetheless.
It was once we got back home that I FINALLY got the "sign." We got caught in a storm right as we were pulling up to our house, causing us to sit in the car for 10 minutes, waiting for the rain to die down some. Around 12:45 a.m., the rain finally let up and we made a run for it, the dog, us and our bags. Running up the walk, guess what comes hopping out toward me??? A FREAKING TOAD!!! Never have I seen a toad around here. EVER! And for this little guy to come hopping out toward me, during a rain storm, made me stop and see the "sign!"
Once we got settled in the house, I grabbed my Animal Spirit Guides book to read my message. (I must also say that had I not been taking cues from my friend Yvonne about this stuff, the toad and his message would have been lost on me) So, here's the message my friend, the toad came to deliver -
If a toad shows up, it means: It's a good time to withdraw into solitude and contemplate emotional or spiritual matters.
You'll have an opportunity to review and clear some uncomfortable emotional issues from the past.
This is an opportunity to contact your most primal, instinctual self--the part of you that's the seed of any new personal or spiritual growth.
This is a volatile period of personal change, one where you'll feel unsettled and fragmented, yet one in which a new "you" will emerge feeling more integrated and whole.
You have much more available to you in terms of skills, experience, and inner strength than you're aware of.
Well, needless to say, before taking in the message, I had been pondering much emotional and spiritual stuff, trying to navigate where exactly I fit into it all. (still an on-going process) I've also cleared A LOT of issues from the past and feel so much lighter. (although, still an on-going process) I've gone back to the source of 'me' and who I strive to be, and have tried to do more readings, which is where I'm the happiest. Whether volatile or not, I love personal change and am always striving to be the best 'me' I can be, but knowing that there is a bright side of feeling more integrated and whole on the other side of all of this is very reassuring. And that last part? Well, I can feel the strength, power, and wisdom deep inside of me and am always searching for the ability to access it. I guess when the time is right, and I am ready (danielson), it will be shown to me.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
From one Virginia to another...
Being that I'm starting this entry at 12:13 a.m. is a good sign, for me. I LOVE numbers and numerology, and well, my birthday is 12/13. After sharing my 'muffin' with you all, I realized I never shared the "diagnosis." They say I have hyperinsulinemia, which is a condition where my pancreas produces too much insulin and my body works harder than usual to maintain a normal glucose level. How do I feel about this? I don't, really. Apparently this 'condition' will also cause a woman not to ovulate, which is my underlying problem. I felt relieved to have an answer, at first. But, a few weeks later, I'm not so sure. I don't fully agree that this is the "problem." I, personally, think I'm experiencing perimenopause. I'll be in contact with the doctors in the upcoming week to see if we can come to a conclusion about this.
Meanwhile, at the bat cave... I had an AMAZING psychic reading two weeks ago. Amazing actually doesn't even begin to cover my feelings on the readings. Cherry, the reader, gave me so much information and insight to myself and my own journey on the "psychic, spiritual ride." Even though I've had nudges, and feelings about what I am to do with my gifts, I never felt 'sure'. After my reading, I have not one doubt in my mind what I am to do. Let me not forget to mention that prior to the reading, I went to my guides and asked that they go to Cherry and provide her and her guides with information I needed and which direction to head in. What was most comforting was that her journey along this path was much similar to what mine is, so I finally felt like someone actually "got me."
I've had numerous conversations and connections with many people about this over the past 2 years and have had so many wonderful people enter my life to help me along my way. But, this time, it felt different. I can't explain it in words. What I can say, though, is that for once I don't question my goal or direction. And, that alone, provides more comfort than I ever imagined.
So, now my struggle seems to be balancing my happy world with the "normal" world, and finding time to do my crafty stuff and do more readings while working and being a wife, and dealing with this female stuff. Lucky for me, my grandmother (who was my inspiration behind this blog name), was Superwoman, so I have it in my genes to succeed and manage all of this. If that Virginia could do all of the amazing things that she did in her life, then this Virginia can follow in those footsteps of greatness. And, since the light in this room just flickered, I know she is here with me, agreeing.
Meanwhile, at the bat cave... I had an AMAZING psychic reading two weeks ago. Amazing actually doesn't even begin to cover my feelings on the readings. Cherry, the reader, gave me so much information and insight to myself and my own journey on the "psychic, spiritual ride." Even though I've had nudges, and feelings about what I am to do with my gifts, I never felt 'sure'. After my reading, I have not one doubt in my mind what I am to do. Let me not forget to mention that prior to the reading, I went to my guides and asked that they go to Cherry and provide her and her guides with information I needed and which direction to head in. What was most comforting was that her journey along this path was much similar to what mine is, so I finally felt like someone actually "got me."
I've had numerous conversations and connections with many people about this over the past 2 years and have had so many wonderful people enter my life to help me along my way. But, this time, it felt different. I can't explain it in words. What I can say, though, is that for once I don't question my goal or direction. And, that alone, provides more comfort than I ever imagined.
So, now my struggle seems to be balancing my happy world with the "normal" world, and finding time to do my crafty stuff and do more readings while working and being a wife, and dealing with this female stuff. Lucky for me, my grandmother (who was my inspiration behind this blog name), was Superwoman, so I have it in my genes to succeed and manage all of this. If that Virginia could do all of the amazing things that she did in her life, then this Virginia can follow in those footsteps of greatness. And, since the light in this room just flickered, I know she is here with me, agreeing.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Have YOU seen my muffin?
I'll give you fair warning right now - this entry is going to contain far too much personal information and will be a bit graphic at times. However, if you continue to read, I'm sure you'll have a nice laugh if you're not woozy. Now is when your fight or flight should kick in and you decide to fight it out and continue to read, or flight right on out of here.
Glad to see you stayed. =)
This bumpy ride that I call "fertility clinic visits" has taken away any modesty I may have had. Honestly. My vagina has been exposed to more strangers in the past two weeks than ever before in my life. It has also been probed with more objects than Cartman's ass. (You must be a fan of South Park to get that one.)
I have had an internal ultrasound, an endometrial biopsy and an HSG test. For those of you non-medical folk, I'll break those down for you. The internal ultrasound consisted of a "wand" that was thin, with a little knob on the end, covered in ultrasound "goo" and inserted inside of me. The fun part was, I got to see my ovaries and uterus on a screen while the ultrasound was being performed. Did I know I was looking at my ovaries and uterus? No. But, I'm glad the nurse told me. On a scale of 1 - 10, this one was about a 5 comfort level, with 10 being complete comfort.
Fast forward to two weeks later and we get to the endometrial biopsy. Now, it was explained to me that I would feel some cramping during this one. I did feel a slight twinge of pain for a mere second and thought, "Huh. That wasn't so bad." Well wouldn't ya know? I apparently had a "non-cooperative cervix" at that moment, so we got to redo the whole thing again the next day!
The next day comes and, again, I am told of the cramping prior and on this comfort scale, this one is getting a big fat 1! Oh and did I mention that the HSG test was performed immediately after? I mean, why expose my vagina yet again, since it's already out in the open, right? The HSG test consisted of dye being injected into my "reproductive area" and then a series of x-rays were taken to be sure that there was no blockage anywhere. This comfort level was about a 9. It really wasn't bad at all.
And, by this point I was even joking with the nurses about everyone seeing my vagina. You might be sitting here, reading all of this, and wondering why there are so many details about all of this. But, I figured since you decided to stay and keep reading, that I should entertain you. Please don't mistake any of this as complaining, because it's quite the opposite actually. I've come to find all of this entertaining. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Really, this process (and I'm only in the very beginning stages), is pretty overwhelming and I can handle that in several ways. I choose to laugh mostly, cry minimally, and list the clinic as a residence on next year's taxes.
OH! And one other thing? I've become so accustomed to sitting (or laying) in a room with only a shirt and socks on, with a hospital sheet "over my lap" that I'm thinking of pitching this look to Project Runway as an episode challenge. What do you think?
Glad to see you stayed. =)
This bumpy ride that I call "fertility clinic visits" has taken away any modesty I may have had. Honestly. My vagina has been exposed to more strangers in the past two weeks than ever before in my life. It has also been probed with more objects than Cartman's ass. (You must be a fan of South Park to get that one.)
I have had an internal ultrasound, an endometrial biopsy and an HSG test. For those of you non-medical folk, I'll break those down for you. The internal ultrasound consisted of a "wand" that was thin, with a little knob on the end, covered in ultrasound "goo" and inserted inside of me. The fun part was, I got to see my ovaries and uterus on a screen while the ultrasound was being performed. Did I know I was looking at my ovaries and uterus? No. But, I'm glad the nurse told me. On a scale of 1 - 10, this one was about a 5 comfort level, with 10 being complete comfort.
Fast forward to two weeks later and we get to the endometrial biopsy. Now, it was explained to me that I would feel some cramping during this one. I did feel a slight twinge of pain for a mere second and thought, "Huh. That wasn't so bad." Well wouldn't ya know? I apparently had a "non-cooperative cervix" at that moment, so we got to redo the whole thing again the next day!
The next day comes and, again, I am told of the cramping prior and on this comfort scale, this one is getting a big fat 1! Oh and did I mention that the HSG test was performed immediately after? I mean, why expose my vagina yet again, since it's already out in the open, right? The HSG test consisted of dye being injected into my "reproductive area" and then a series of x-rays were taken to be sure that there was no blockage anywhere. This comfort level was about a 9. It really wasn't bad at all.
And, by this point I was even joking with the nurses about everyone seeing my vagina. You might be sitting here, reading all of this, and wondering why there are so many details about all of this. But, I figured since you decided to stay and keep reading, that I should entertain you. Please don't mistake any of this as complaining, because it's quite the opposite actually. I've come to find all of this entertaining. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Really, this process (and I'm only in the very beginning stages), is pretty overwhelming and I can handle that in several ways. I choose to laugh mostly, cry minimally, and list the clinic as a residence on next year's taxes.
OH! And one other thing? I've become so accustomed to sitting (or laying) in a room with only a shirt and socks on, with a hospital sheet "over my lap" that I'm thinking of pitching this look to Project Runway as an episode challenge. What do you think?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Imagine my excitement!
OK, this cannot go unnoticed (or talked about)! So, a few weeks ago, I distinctly remember hearing the word "apothecary" at two different times during that week. The second time, I wrote it down (I was at work), and decided to look it up once I got home.
I looked up the meaning and it said things like....pharmacist, dispensing pharmaceutical products, etc. So, I'm thinking...OK?? I'm hearing this word, what does it mean?? I've been asking and asking to show me direction. I was a pharmacy tech in the past, so did this mean I should go back to that? Quite honestly, I didn't get that "YES!" feel when I asked if I should go back to it, so I left it alone. You know, we don't always get all the answers at once.
So, here I am searching, and googling my ass off, trying to find Reiki classes around here (for a reasonable price!). While searching, I found a school, not TOO far from me, that teaches Holisitic Massage and Reflexology. Not wanting to be a follower (Michele is a Massage Therapist), I have just thought about it for a day or two. I talked to Michele about it last night, asked what her tuition was. When she told me I wasn't sure what to think. She said her tuition was around $11,000, and was probably up to about $13,000 at this point.
I sat there..."BLINK BLINK"....."BLINK BLINK"... "Um, I found this site, the tuition was $7000, down to $5500 with an economic stimulus tuition roll back...." I asked her to check the site out and am still waiting to hear from her. Regardless of all of that.....
So, I searching YET again today and I find the Aspectarian online. I'm browsing that, writing down various sites from the zine when I come across one of the shops near me that I haven't yet been to or checked out. I go to their website to check things out. It says that not only are they planning Reiki classes for Jan, but Psychic Development classes as well. WHAT?!?!?! Except, there's no January calendar to be found! LOL. I sent them an email asking about it.
So, back to browsing their site, I see they are on FB (going to "become a fan" in a few..), and I see a link for "Jen's blog." No clue who Jen is, BUT I thought, well, let me check it out, on the off chance that she's on Blogspot and I can follow her. Um, she's on Blogspot. What are the odds? I mean, I know it's pretty popular, but there are many many others...
ANYWAY!!! (Man do I talk a lot! haha) I click on her blog and what is the title of the most recent entry?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I swear to God, it made me SPEAK out loud, TO MYSELF! I said, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. AM I REALLY READING THIS?"
The title??? "ENCHANTED APOTHECARY" It took my breath away AGAIN just now as I typed it. Literally, took the wind out of me for a brief second. Here is the link.. http://enchantedcounterqueen.blogspot.com/ . It's about blended oils. Dried herbs and essential oils go hand in hand.
And the plot thickens... Perhaps I am on the right road at this moment? Dun, dun, dun....
Stay tuned.
I looked up the meaning and it said things like....pharmacist, dispensing pharmaceutical products, etc. So, I'm thinking...OK?? I'm hearing this word, what does it mean?? I've been asking and asking to show me direction. I was a pharmacy tech in the past, so did this mean I should go back to that? Quite honestly, I didn't get that "YES!" feel when I asked if I should go back to it, so I left it alone. You know, we don't always get all the answers at once.
So, here I am searching, and googling my ass off, trying to find Reiki classes around here (for a reasonable price!). While searching, I found a school, not TOO far from me, that teaches Holisitic Massage and Reflexology. Not wanting to be a follower (Michele is a Massage Therapist), I have just thought about it for a day or two. I talked to Michele about it last night, asked what her tuition was. When she told me I wasn't sure what to think. She said her tuition was around $11,000, and was probably up to about $13,000 at this point.
I sat there..."BLINK BLINK"....."BLINK BLINK"... "Um, I found this site, the tuition was $7000, down to $5500 with an economic stimulus tuition roll back...." I asked her to check the site out and am still waiting to hear from her. Regardless of all of that.....
So, I searching YET again today and I find the Aspectarian online. I'm browsing that, writing down various sites from the zine when I come across one of the shops near me that I haven't yet been to or checked out. I go to their website to check things out. It says that not only are they planning Reiki classes for Jan, but Psychic Development classes as well. WHAT?!?!?! Except, there's no January calendar to be found! LOL. I sent them an email asking about it.
So, back to browsing their site, I see they are on FB (going to "become a fan" in a few..), and I see a link for "Jen's blog." No clue who Jen is, BUT I thought, well, let me check it out, on the off chance that she's on Blogspot and I can follow her. Um, she's on Blogspot. What are the odds? I mean, I know it's pretty popular, but there are many many others...
ANYWAY!!! (Man do I talk a lot! haha) I click on her blog and what is the title of the most recent entry?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I swear to God, it made me SPEAK out loud, TO MYSELF! I said, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. AM I REALLY READING THIS?"
The title??? "ENCHANTED APOTHECARY" It took my breath away AGAIN just now as I typed it. Literally, took the wind out of me for a brief second. Here is the link.. http://enchantedcounterqueen.blogspot.com/ . It's about blended oils. Dried herbs and essential oils go hand in hand.
And the plot thickens... Perhaps I am on the right road at this moment? Dun, dun, dun....
Stay tuned.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I'd Do Anything and Everything Just To Be... Unbroken
While the Holidays were hectic, I'm a bit thankful for the craziness. With all of the running 'here and there,' my mind was kept busy and not stressing over the appointment with the (in)fertility doctor tomorrow morning. However, I think my body wants to get the emotions of this appointment out, because I have been dizzy with a migraine all day. If you don't allow yourself the break or time needed, the Universe provides it for you. It truly is not a good thing to keep any emotions bottled up.
What emotions you ask? Where do I start? I'm terrified. I'm so nervous about what may or may not be said. I know it's only the initial appointment and I actually don't even meet with the doctor at this point, only the LPN, but the nerves are still there. I have about 10 pages of forms to fill out and read sitting in front of me and I haven't even made it through the first page. What if I truly cannot have children?? I know I've brought that up in the last entry, but I am an emotional woman right now so I feel allowed to repeat myself.
But, what if this is all "no big deal," meaning nothing major is wrong with either one of us? I feel I might be getting a bit worked up at this point, not knowing anything at all. But, isn't that what we fear the most? The unknown.
I've already stated to my husband that IF there is an issue with my reproductive system, I am going through any and all holistic modalities before I even think about letting my body be subjected to and injected with hormones and other treatments. Acupuncture, EFT, Reiki ... you name it. I am not comfortable with my body being put through hormone treatments, and that is a big part of the reason I've put this appointment off for so long.
I remember being so upset with my grandmother when she was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. She didn't want to put her body through any chemotherapy, radiation, or surgeries. Nothing had a 100% success rate and she didn't want to go through any of that with a 30% chance that it wouldn't work. I only wish she was here for me to tell her how much I understand it all now. Well that, and to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right.
What emotions you ask? Where do I start? I'm terrified. I'm so nervous about what may or may not be said. I know it's only the initial appointment and I actually don't even meet with the doctor at this point, only the LPN, but the nerves are still there. I have about 10 pages of forms to fill out and read sitting in front of me and I haven't even made it through the first page. What if I truly cannot have children?? I know I've brought that up in the last entry, but I am an emotional woman right now so I feel allowed to repeat myself.
But, what if this is all "no big deal," meaning nothing major is wrong with either one of us? I feel I might be getting a bit worked up at this point, not knowing anything at all. But, isn't that what we fear the most? The unknown.
I've already stated to my husband that IF there is an issue with my reproductive system, I am going through any and all holistic modalities before I even think about letting my body be subjected to and injected with hormones and other treatments. Acupuncture, EFT, Reiki ... you name it. I am not comfortable with my body being put through hormone treatments, and that is a big part of the reason I've put this appointment off for so long.
I remember being so upset with my grandmother when she was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. She didn't want to put her body through any chemotherapy, radiation, or surgeries. Nothing had a 100% success rate and she didn't want to go through any of that with a 30% chance that it wouldn't work. I only wish she was here for me to tell her how much I understand it all now. Well that, and to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right.
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