I'd Do Anything and Everything Just To Be... Unbroken

While the Holidays were hectic, I'm a bit thankful for the craziness. With all of the running 'here and there,' my mind was kept busy and not stressing over the appointment with the (in)fertility doctor tomorrow morning. However, I think my body wants to get the emotions of this appointment out, because I have been dizzy with a migraine all day. If you don't allow yourself the break or time needed, the Universe provides it for you. It truly is not a good thing to keep any emotions bottled up.

What emotions you ask? Where do I start? I'm terrified. I'm so nervous about what may or may not be said. I know it's only the initial appointment and I actually don't even meet with the doctor at this point, only the LPN, but the nerves are still there. I have about 10 pages of forms to fill out and read sitting in front of me and I haven't even made it through the first page. What if I truly cannot have children?? I know I've brought that up in the last entry, but I am an emotional woman right now so I feel allowed to repeat myself.

But, what if this is all "no big deal," meaning nothing major is wrong with either one of us? I feel I might be getting a bit worked up at this point, not knowing anything at all. But, isn't that what we fear the most? The unknown.

I've already stated to my husband that IF there is an issue with my reproductive system, I am going through any and all holistic modalities before I even think about letting my body be subjected to and injected with hormones and other treatments. Acupuncture, EFT, Reiki ... you name it. I am not comfortable with my body being put through hormone treatments, and that is a big part of the reason I've put this appointment off for so long.

I remember being so upset with my grandmother when she was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. She didn't want to put her body through any chemotherapy, radiation, or surgeries. Nothing had a 100% success rate and she didn't want to go through any of that with a 30% chance that it wouldn't work. I only wish she was here for me to tell her how much I understand it all now. Well that, and to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right.